For the last two days we've been looking at Oscars betting odds, but you know us – singling out things for praise brings us out in Hives. The Razzies are much more our thing, because The Razzies celebrate cinematic awfulness in all its forms.
So for every Friday over the next month we're going to introduce you to our Razzies betting odds, where you can try to win money from terrible films. You might not be able to get back the two hours of your life that you flushed down the toilet when you saw Basic Instinct 2, but a little bit of cash might just make up for it.
And since we've spent the last couple of days looking at the Best Actor Oscars category, it's only fair that we should look at the Worst Actor Razzies category today. Here are the Razzies betting odds for the worst actor – for Rob Schneider, Nicolas Cage, Dan Whitney, Tim Allen and Marlon and Shawn Wayans – with help from Paddy Power…
Rob Schneider, The Benchwarmers & Little Man – This year actually marks something of a departure for Rob Schneider – it's the first year he's been in films not named after the funny thing that Rob Schneider turns into. No The Hot Chick. No The Animal. No, um, Deuce Bigalow. Instead Rob Schneider picked up his Razzie nominations for The Benchwarmers – where he achieved the rare feat of making David Spade look good – and Little Man, whipping boy of The Razzies. These Razzies betting odds say that Schneider's the outsider here, but that would be a great disservice to his utter awfulness. Current Razzies Worst Actor betting odds – 11/2
Nicolas Cage, The Wicker Man – Continuing his career as the most inexplicable big budget leading man in Hollywood is Nicolas Cage, who decided to take one of the best films ever made and shit all over it, changing the plot to feature more bees, less Christopher Lee and a hokey ending so lunk-headed that we wanted to punch out the projectionist for it. As the only serious actor to have made the Worst Actor Razzie nominations list, Nicolas Cage deserves to have his legs broken, but we'll go easy on him now – he'll be cropping up a lot in these Razzie lists. Current Worst Actor Razzies betting odds – 3/1
Dan Whitney, Larry The Cable Guy – The last thing the world needs – less than bird flu, rising seas and flat-out nuclear Armageddon – is another Tim Allen. And by bloody Jesus, that's what Dan Whitney is. And if that comparison is true, then Larry The Cable Guy is as close to a Home Improvement movie as we're ever going to get. We'd have shoved Dan Whitney to the top of these Worst Actor Razzies betting odds, but a lack of violence-inducing Home Improvement kids has knocked him down to third place – a lesson he'd do well to remember. Current Worst Actor Razzies betting odds – 5/2
Tim Allen, The Santa Clause 3, The Shaggy Dog, Zoom – We believe it was Oscar Wilde who once said "Any old schmo can make a shitty film, but it takes someone truly special to make three disgusting honking arse-smelling shitty films in a year." And that's what Tim Allen has done. The question is, which film does Tim Allen deserve the Worst Actor Razzie the most for? The Santa Clause 3 (Tim Allen turns into Santa Claus), The Shaggy Dog (Tim Allen turns into a dog) or Zoom (Tim Allen turns into a fruit-flavoured 1980s ice lolly)? Oh, who are we kidding – they're all more shitty than the laundry room in a diarrhoea clinic. Current Worst Actor Razzies betting odds – 5/2
Marlon Wayans & Shawn Wayans, Little Man – There's going to be a lot of talk about Little Man during these Razzies betting odds because films where a baby tries to force its genitals into its adopted mother's mouth are all too rare in our book. But who deserves the Worst Actor Razzie most, Marlon Wayans or Shawn Wayans? The badly superimposed face on a baby's body or the jokeless father figure? The Razzie board has decided that it's too close to call, and so it's offering a buy one get one free of awfulness. Current Worst Actor Razzies betting odds – 9/4
Next week – More Dancing On Ice! More Oscars! More Razzies! But if that's too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Razzies betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.