Razzie Nominations: Basic Instinct 2 Just As Crappy As Suspected
At this time of year, it's easy to trip and fall head-first into the immense Hollywood circle-jerk that is awards season – so when the Razzie nominations come out and ceaselessly poke fun at how bad Basic Instinct 2 was, it's a breath of fresh air.
Well guess what? The Razzie nominations have come out. And guess what else? Judging by the Razzie nominations, Basic Instinct 2 was far and away the worst film of last year, picking up six nominations – among them Worst Actress, Worst Film and – genuinely – Worst Onscreen Couple for 'Sharon Stone's Lopsided Breasts.' But don't for a second think that Basic Instinct 2 ran away with the Razzie nominations – there was also a number of special Razzie slots for that film where a man dresses up as a baby and has sex with his adopted mother, too.
With all this talk about how Babel and The Queen are so powerful and deep that they'll literally change the way you see suicidal knickerless mute Japanese girls and the Queen forever, the Razzie Awards couldn't be more essential. The Razzie Awards remind Hollywood that, yes, it can make films about Brad Pitt sobbing down a phone, but it can also make films where a 48-year-old woman sucks Stan Collymore's fingers until he crashes a car or a film where Marlon Wayans' head is crudely superimposed on top of a baby's head so he can make all sorts of penis jokes.
Last year the Razzie awards reunited Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise, for being in the awful Bewitched movie and just generally being an annoying turd respectively, but this year the focus is all on Sharon Stone and Basic Instinct 2 – a film that took the original idea of Basic Instinct and set it entirely in a building shaped like a giant glass penis. Although no amount of Razzie nominations could come near to celebrating Sharon Stone's Bono-endangering, mayhem-causing stay in London to film Basic Instinct 2, the movie's six nods go at least some way to repairing the damage caused.
But Basic Instinct 2 was only one shitty film from last year of interest to the Razzie Awards. Little Man also got Razzie nominations in six categories, Nicolas Cage's Wicker Man – a film so bad that the original director had his name scrubbed from all promotional material – got five. Special praise should also be heaped on Tim Allen, who managed to get three separate nominations in the Worst Actor category alone. The Razzie Awards won't take place until next month, but here's the full list of nominations:
Worst Picture
Basic Instinct 2
Little Man
Lady in the Water
The Wicker Man
BloodRayne
Worst Actor
Tim Allen, The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause, The Shaggy Dog, Zoom
Nicolas Cage, The Wicker Man
Larry the Cable Guy (Dan Whitney), Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector
Rob Schneider, The Benchwarmers, Little Man
Marlon & Shawn Wayans, Little Man
Worst Actress
Hilary Duff & Haylie Duff, Material Girls
Lindsay Lohan, Just My Luck
Kristanna Loken, BloodRayne
Jessica Simpson, Employee of the Month
Sharon Stone, Basic Instinct 2
Worst Supporting Actor
Danny DeVito, Deck the Halls
Ben Kingsley, BloodRayne
M. Night Shyamalan, Lady in the Water
Martin Short, The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause
David Thewlis, Basic Instinct 2
Worst Supporting Actress
Kate Bosworth, Superman Returns
Kristin Chenoweth, Deck the Halls, Pink Panther, RV
Carmen Electra, Date Movie, Scary Movie 4
Jenny McCarthy, John Tucker Must Die
Michelle Rodriguez, BloodRayne
Worst Screen Couple
Tim Allen & Martin Short, The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause
Nicolas Cage & his bear suit, Wicker Man
Hilary & Haylie Duff, Material Girls
Sharon Stone's lopsided breasts, Basic Instinct 2
Shawn Wayans & either Kerry Washington or Marlon Wayans, Little Man
Worst Remake or Rip-Off
Little Man
Pink Panther
Poseidon
The Shaggy Dog
The Wicker Man
Worst Prequel or Sequel
Basic Instinct 2
Big Momma's House 2
Garfield 2: A Tail of Two Kitties
The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
Worst Director
Uwe Boll, BloodRayne
Michael Caton-Jones, Basic Instinct 2
Ron Howard, The Da Vinci Code
M. Night Shyamalan, Lady in the Water
Keenan Ivory Wayans, Little Man
Worst Screenplay
Basic Instinct 2
BloodRayne
Lady in the Water
Little Man
The Wicker Man
Worst Excuse for Family Entertainment
Deck the Halls
Garfield 2: A Tail of Two Kitties
RV
The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause
The Shaggy Dog
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I know that it looks bad. I know that the Razzies think it’s bad. I know I’d feel dirty doing it… but I still kinda want to see Basic Instinct 2. Don’t tell anyone I know
The Razzies comittee didn’t get it. Most of the critics didn’t get it. You don’t get it either. Basic Instinct 2 is a spoof of the genre. For those of us in the audience – and the two critics that also got it – the experience was sublime.