hecklerspray is such an attractive website that everywhere we go, stuff tries to seduce us. Just last week Amazon.com, whom we'd never been properly introduced to, started kissing our neck in a McDonalds food line. The week before that a pixie stick kept trying to spill itself all over our nethers.
Lady flight attendants often have the same problem. They're way up there in the air where sperm is less confined by the bounds of gravity, and the male passengers simply can't keep it in 'em, try as they might. Ralph Fiennes knows. Supposedly he had this uncontrollable anti-gravity exploding sperm problem recently, and he solved it by landing on the ol' pink tarmac, if you catch our drift.
One might wonder how he had room for such activity aboard an airplane bathroom, where his lusty encounter is rumoured to have taken place.
Ralph Fiennes is a man generally considered so boring he's never made a single other headline in all of hecklerspray history. Think about that for a minute, we give out headlines like they're well-groomed moustaches in 1982. We've written about such simple things as Ben Affleck getting a headache, and Madonna's toilet seat preferences. Headlines here really don't take much.
What we're getting at is this Ralph Fiennes guy has been pretty boring as far as we're concerned, and suddenly he came screaming onto our radar, sex-crazed and ready to go! You see, he just bopped a stewardess in a flying airplane bathroom. That's the assumption anyway. The two were chatting it up, then they went into the bathroom together. Other members of the airline crew waited for the pair to emerge, which they eventually did believe it or not.
The stewardess involved, one 38 year old Lisa Robertson, well she begs to differ. Her account reads like this:
"While conversing with Mr Fiennes during my break, I expressed a need to go to the toilet. I entered it, he followed me and entered the same toilet. I explained to him that this was inappropriate and asked him to leave. Mr Fiennes became amorous towards me and, after a short period of time, I convinced him to leave the toilet. I left a short time later. At no time did any crew member come to my assistance. At no time were any other customers aware of this incident. At no time did I put the Qantas name or reputation in jeopardy."
Robertson's flight attendant duties have been suspended while the airline conducts an investigation, implying that scores of their passengers will be forced to go pretzel-less until this whole mess resolves itself.
Some have said Fiennes has a bit of history punjabbin' the ladies. We don't care, really, but we think it might be a good idea to check his DNA, you know, to cross him off Anna Nicole's paternity list too.
Read More:
Cabin girl in hiding 'after liaison with Fiennes on a flight' – Daily Mail
Pobetter says
Dude, that’s Lord Voldemort…. now’s he’s done naked stuff and HP has done naked stuff, that means Ron is next. Fuck watching that
Sula says
Ralph Fiennes is the best and will always be one of my favorites. Get a life
rumormongers.
Matt says
I agree that Ralph Fiennes seems too boring and restrained to do something like this. I was very surprised to read about it.
But he’s a very accomplished womaniser, apparently. He’s just kind of subtle about it. (Except on airplanes, of course … )
gary ash says
If I knew I ranked so highly on the global bore-o’meter, perhaps this is the kind of stunt I’d pull to lower my rating?
Or perhaps he just wanted more pretzels.