Quick, Jennifer Aniston’s Back On TV! Everybody Hide!
Remember when Jennifer Aniston was famous for acting rather than limply flouncing between a million doomed relationships like a big soggy dullard?
Us neither, actually. But, hey, good news! Jennifer Aniston’s somehow managed to stop being such a needy whining pissbag for long enough to get a proper acting job on the television! It’s been reported that Aniston’s signed up to film a guest spot on the next series of 30 Rock.
That’s great news, because personally we’d missed seeing Jennifer Aniston on TV. It’s been getting kind of boring only watching her on the 1,300 episodes of Friends broadcast by E4 every single day. In fact, there was a couple of seconds yesterday where Jennifer Aniston’s pointy face wasn’t being directly shoved down our throats, so this 30 Rock guest spot will fill this void nicely. Thanks, Jennifer Aniston! You’re the greatest!
The only places you’ve been able to see Jennifer Aniston in lately are celebrity magazines, either draping herself John Mayer like some kind of badly-chinned celebrity unitard or staggering around looking all drawn and gaunt because she broke up with John Mayer.
In fact, the last thing we saw Jennifer Aniston in was Courteney Cox’s Dirt series, where she and Cox had a bit of a lesbian tounging session. And that was when people still cared whether or not Dirt was on TV, so it must have been ages ago.
But, sadly, Jennifer Aniston’s tenure as a tabloid magazine fixture is about to come to an end. In the next year or so Jennifer Aniston will be appearing in a handful of films – the dreary romantic drama Traveling, the dreary romantic comedy He’s Just Not That Into You, possibly a Coen Brothers film and Marley And Me, a film about a happy dog so awful that Owen Wilson tried to kill himself to get out of being in it.
And, what’s more, now Jennifer Aniston has signed up for a guest role on the new season of 30 Rock, too, which is a worry because a) 30 Rock is usually quite good and b) given Jennifer Aniston’s reported fondness for getting romantically involved with her co-stars, Alec Baldwin must be shitting it at the moment. E! Online reports:
“She is shooting now,” her publicist, Stephen Huvane tells me exclusively. “We are not giving any specifics on her character.” Given the Saturday Night Live-esque nature of the series, Aniston could be playing either herself or a scripted character.
While we’re semi-interested to see how Jennifer Aniston fares on 30 Rock, that really isn’t the point here. By appearing in so many films and TV shows all at once, Jennifer Aniston is sending out a very clear message to the world. And that’s that Jennifer Aniston is a serious actress and you’re not going to constantly see her in all the celebrity magazines flaunting her celebrity love life any more.
No, now you’re about to witness the birth of a new Jennifer Aniston; one who you constantly see in all the celebrity magazines looking drawn and gaunt because she’s plunged herself herself deep into work to take her mind off what a bloody awful love life she’s got.
Trust us, it’s better this way.
you must really have nothing to do, if this is story you could come up with. Bashing her is not going to help your writings skills get any better.
Dude, you’ve got it wrong. Believe me, most of us would much rather see Aniston’s pathetic love life plastered all over the tabs than have her making more dreary, boring, Rachel-in-a-movie romcoms. Lord spare us all. She made not one but FOUR of them last year. One of which (“Management”) doesn’t even have a distributor and she’s going to try to peddle at the Toronto International Film Festival next week. The release date of Romcom #2, “He’s Just Not That Into You”, keeps getting pushed back by the studio because test audiences flat-out hated the movie. Romcom #3, “Traveling” with poor unlucky Aaron Eckhart doesn’t even have a distributor OR a release date. And Romcom #4, “Marley & Me” with Owen Wilson has a trailer so bad that people online have been snickering at it for 2 months. With this kind of product in the can…believe me, I’d much rather see her long, sad face, and even longer chin on the cover of an 8″x11″ glossy tabloid than on a 30′ theater screen.
BTW – That supposed Coen Brothers flick has been listed on IMDB for Aniston for almost 3 years. It’s NEVER going to happen. At this time the Coens have no plans to make “Gambit” and even if they do, given Aniston’s last laughable turn as the femme fatale in “Derailed” I think the Coens will have more sense than to cast Aniston in a similar role. Besides, now that Aniston no longer has Pitt to run interference for her on projects where she’s pissed off the director let’s all hope that she goes back to the small screen where hair-flipping, taut nipples and hand fluttering is considered Emmy-worthy “Best Actress in a Comedy” material.
That is way more information on Jennifer Aniston than any reasonable person should have.
That was too finally, you really do have Jennifer’s number. The little fraudster has managed with the help of her publicist blind people to the fact that she is a has been. Her biggest career move after friend was to host herself a pity party after her divorce, there hasn’t been much going on in her career since then and hopefully the blogosphere will start calling her out.
Aniston – be afraid. The blogosphere is going to call you out. Lots of massively unqualified self-important basement dwellers will be “snickering at your trailers online for 2 months.” Just quit now.