The title of the new James Bond film has just been announced, and it's so bad we think we might cry.
Quantum Of Solace. There. The new James Bond movie will be called Quantum Of Solace. That's what the combined brainpower of an Oscar-winning writer, two veteran James Bond writers and a team of expert producers have come up with. Quantum Of Solace. Titting Quantum Of Solace. Christ.
Useless. Everyone knows that all James Bond movie titles should be based on a popular saying with the word 'Die' where the word 'Live' should be while containing at least one weak pun about vaginas, and this bugger doesn't even do any of that.
There's never been a perfect James Bond film. Any time that a James Bond movie gets close to being good it gets ruined by interminable scenes of card-playing or dodgy haircuts or – in the case of Die Another Day – a Madonna cameo and a soggy plot about space lasers and invisible cars and Halle Berry and bad computer animation and a director who dresses up as a woman and offers sex to policeman.
But usually they get the titles right before they balls it all up. Quantum Of Solace hasn't even managed to get that far. And that's the title of the new James Bond film – it's been officially announced and everything. BBC News reports:
The next James Bond film is to be called Quantum of Solace, producers have confirmed. The title is taken from one of a collection of short stories published by 007 creator Ian Fleming in 1960. At a press conference at the facility, reporters were shown a minute of footage from the new film, including Bond swinging on a rope after an explosion at an art gallery in Siena, Italy.
OK, so the producers are obviously trying to stick to Ian Fleming's original vision of James Bond but – come on – Quantum Of Solace? That's crap. That's such a crap title that people are going to skip watching the film altogether because it'll mean they won't have to say "Two for Quantum Of Solace please," to a smirking student at the Odeon ticket booth.
Quantum Of Solace sounds like a rubbish art-house film made by a socially-inept Danish geek who was bullied a lot as a child because he wet the bed. Who wants to see that? Is it too late to change the title to People Who Die In Glass Houses Shouldn't Throw Minges? Because that one fits all the rules.
And it was all looking so good, too. Daniel Craig had put all the tooth-losing behind him to become a mostly-convincing James Bond, the director has a fine pedigree of work and the new Ukrainian Bond girl is bang into her bondage. And then they go and call it Quantum Of Solace. Idiots.
What were the other titles in the running? Quark Of Mitigation? Aggregate Of Benevolence? Allotment Of Cheer Up It Might Never Happen? Whatever, it doesn't matter. The new James Bond film will forever be Quantum Of Solace and there's nothing we can do about it.
Still, though, we wouldn't like to be the ones doing the new James Bond theme – what the shitting hell rhymes with 'solace'?
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panini says
Worst title ever. Shocking. I want the minge one.
Knox Films says
Ouch. That really is an awful name. Great post–thanks!
gir says
Well maybe bollocks doesn’t exactly rhyme with solace, but it fits that title so well that I’m sure the talented artist(s) writing the theme tune ought to be able to work it in.
Oh, really? The Killers? Forget it then.
monster munch says
Brilliant. Its breaking new ground, moving away from the stereotyped ‘cool title’.
I can only imagine that bond will be gay, wear burberry and drive a old beat up fiat panda while drinking mountain dew.
Can’t wait.
Jeff says
Notes From Knoxville:
I would like to suggest the title “Corpus of Succor”. At least it sounds sort of dangerous and a little dirty. Actually, it sounds more like an Anne Rice adaptation.
The Killers at least are a bit better than Duran Duran.
I’m glad that the filmmakers are getting back to Fleming’s vision. The post-Cold War Bond stories have been wimpy and PC. The world NEEDS a vodka-swilling, misogynist with a license to kill.
Thomas says
How many people on here are British?
Just thought I would ask because it’s a British based film, and Casino Royale was widely received over here as one of the best Bond films, and I heartily agree with that opinion. The new title adds another degree of mystery to the new film, and seems to prove that the writers will be keeping to an Ian Flemming style script, something which true Bond fans will find very relieving.
As for the song, lots of people over here in Britain (and the anywhere in the world) really like the Killers and their catchy snyth-pop based indie stylings. If you listen to songs like Jenny was a Friend of Mine, Midnight Show and Move Away you realise that they have this racey edge which would suit a Bond theme.
I’m sorry if anyone strongly disagrees with my views, but it’s only fair that both sides are published.
David Brown says
I like it.
markie says
“Don’t go looking for a Quantum of Solace
Unless your agent’s name s Wallace
Our man is called Craig, it’s his promise
To be a better Bond than Miriam Margolis”
King Jimbo says
Me “Two tickets for James Bond Please”
Ticket counter moron “20 quid mate”
Problem solved. No need to say the name. Which isn’t great, but hopefully the film will be good.
kSudan828 says
Perhaps sticking to the Fleming formula isn’t a bad idea chaps…it sure as hell revived the series.
As for “Quantum Of Solace,” not a bad title for picking up where Casino Royale left off. It also helps if some of you expand your vocabularies while expanding your wastelines – you might see what Fleming was getting act with his protagonist…
Jeff says
No disagreement here, Thomas, although people in Britain (and, yes, all over the world) also used to love Duran Duran. While the opening song is important to a film, there have been some good Bond movies that have had bad title music. That is secondary.
I, like you, am extremely happy that the producers are taking 007 back to what he is supposed to be. When the Cold War is taken away there just doesn’t seem to be much left.
As to the question of nationality; I live in the US, in Tennessee, in The Great Smoky Mountains and I am what most of the world would consider a hillbilly. Despite that, not only have I seen every Bond film, I also read the Fleming stories when I was a child. I consider myself to be a huge fan of the film series, even though I am British in heritage only. The Bond franchise successfully crosses national boundaries easily because it gives people what they look for in entertainment – sex, violence, comedy, intrigue, suspense and technology.
As for the title; “A rose by any other name…”
Yeah, we’ve got Shakespeare here too.
Achim says
How about reading the short story “A Quantum of Solace” by Bond’s inventor Ian Fleming? It’s there, where you find the real thing! James Bond is acting solely in the background, persuading discretely a former Military Officer to kill himself rather of being arrested by the British Secret Service because of a crime he’d commited during WW II. You can believe me: this guy’s needing not only a quantum of solace.
I love the fact that the “Movie Bond” is becoming now a character like he has always been in the novels! Therefore, the title’s not only good – it’s great!
Jean Paul Arnstrong says
Ignorant shallow piece of shit, obviously you are not a true Bond fan. If you were to find the definition for the title it wouild make alot more sense….
Robert says
I don’t know about all you people, but Quantum of Solace is an original Ian Flemming title, so what’s the problem here? You think that if there was a movie released with the name ‘The man with the golden gun’ in 2008 people wouldn’t think: ‘BORING!’
who gives a shit. it’s different and contains words not everybody can get over their lips. big deal. it’s an original bond title and that’s that.
If Amy’s gonna sing the title song or something completely different, it doesn’t seem to matter. With Casino Royale it didn’t matter, though I don’t think Chris made a big hit out of it. (It actually sounded more like a Eurovision Song Contest song)
so just wait and see. when the movie’s released I’m sure we all are used to the new title and can just enjoy the film.
James Moore says
A new a surprise addition has been added to the race for recording the theme song for Quantum of Solace.Unknown and unsigned band Boudica have emerged as an outside chance of recording the theme song for the brand new Bond.Boudica singer Natasha having a stronger voice than Adele and Duffy has caught the ear of executive producers who think launching the career of an unknown band would be great publicity for the movie as well as keeping in with the heavier rock sound of Chris Cornell on Casio Royale.Check out the link below and leave opinions.www.myspace.com/boudicamusic
tripp says
Who cares about the name of the film. It doesn’t have the poetics of others but it might provoke a sales in Websters Dictionaries. Any I heared Duran Duran have the inside track on the lead song for the film. That is fantastic! Not only do they deserve it (they’re James Bond freaks) they have the only #1 James Bond hit ever. I hear Amy Winehouse had a falling out with Mark Ronson so she is not in the picture anymore, which is sad because she could probably create the greates Bond theme ever (Oh, she’s smokey hot!). Annie Lennox is right in there in the mix. She right for a James Bond song, I wonder why Madonna never "did Bond?" I think Duran and there history with Bond and considering that they’re Mark Ronson’s favorite band, Duran have the inside track to clinching the title song. Not only is the Bond series slipping from public interst (well, live in the US so I’m totally ignorant of anything happening outside our borders) a blast fron the past might be a good thing to spark a new interest in the Bond history. Who knows a new Bond film with Duran as the lead musical theme just might be ripe for a new view to a kill! Ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaa!
dodyryda says
fuck this is it will be utter shit.. I am a die hard bond fan … but have no time for this complete fuckin dick craig… waste of space .. please sack this cunt before bond dies forever…. why did they get rid of bronsan for this complete twat????? cannot understand it….. no one can possibly like him he doesn’t fit the role at all…. .. oh and also looks like a complete cunt!!