Q Awards Nominations Disappoint The Country

Everyone’s always banging on about what a great time it is for music at the moment. Is it, though? Is it really? Because when we turn on the TV we either see Jamie Cullum being chased around by a bit of string, or fat blokes in waistcoats going "WoahhhHHH!" in the middle of all their songs.

Still, the Q Awards are coming soon, and they’ll put the music world back in place, won’t they?

Well judging by the list of nominations - no.

Q Magazine is the grown-up music fan’s publication of choice. But
what is a grown-up music fan? The advent of the iPod means that
people don’t have fixed musical tastes any more. They can listen to The
Rolling Stones, then The Spinto Band, then Duran Duran, then the
bleeding Cheeky Girls if they want to.

Q doesn’t understand that, oh no. It just bungs REM on the cover as much as it can. Maybe that’s the reason that the nominations for
this year’s Q Awards are so disappointing. Here they are…

Best new act:
Hard-Fi (Mediocre and over-produced - you’ll hear it in every branch of Gap)
Kaiser Chiefs (The aforementioned fat bloke in a waistcoat)
Jem (A scientific fact: if Jem and Dido ever make eye contact, the universe implodes)
The Magic Numbers (More famous for being fat than making songs)
M.I.A (A non-bland artist? Crikey!)
James Blunt (James Twunt, more like)

Best Live Act:
Green Day (Crochety old hasbeens)
U2 (Crochety old hasbeens)
Oasis (Crochety old hasbeens)
Muse (Guitar solos and a man shrieking like he’s trodden on a rusty nail)
Coldplay (Gits)

Best Track:
U2 - Vertigo ("1,2,3,14"? Idiots)
Oasis - The Importance Of Being Idle (The worst b-side The Kinks never wrote)
KT Tunstall - The Black Horse And The Cherry Tree (Or The Cack Whores And The Very Twee, as we never call it)
Coldplay - Fix You (Gits)
James Blunt - You’re Beautiful (Thanks James. You’re a whiney twat)

Best Album:
Oasis - Don’t Believe The Truth (Don’t believe the good reviews, more like)
Coldplay - X&Y (Coldplay continue to get worse with each passing album)
Kaiser Chiefs - Employment (Rhyming "plate tectonic" with "name tag on it"? You fools!)
Goldfrapp - Supernature (You’ll have heard this on every single advert ever before the year is out)
James Blunt - Back To Bedlam (Please don’t vote for James Blunt. You’re better than that)

Best Act In The World Today:
Coldplay (None…)
Oasis (…of…)
Muse (…these…)
Green Day (…bands…)
U2 (…are any good)

We’ll have those razor blades when you’re done with them…

Read more:

Oasis dominate Q award nominations - Reuters

[story by Stuart Heritage]