Pussycat Dolls Toy Line Cancelled To Preserve The Innocence Of Children Who Almost Got Perverted

hecklerspray grew up playing with three basic toys - He-Man, dry ice, and our mother's high heeled shoes. Let's keep that last one between the several thousand of us.

Back then toys were good and pure - they didn't have to mingle on the edge of adulthood and sexuality to keep our attention. Rainbow Brite didn't come with an ovulation calendar and Voltron most definitely would never have gone to battle in a hiked up leather mini skirt. Whoever made Voltron, if you use that we want a cut.

In today's world, the kids almost got Pussycat Dolls action figures - the target market was going to be little girls between the ages of six and nine, and oft' times-lonely British entertainment blogs who'd already made space on their desks and would've liked nothing more than to brush the doll hair for hours on end and constantly wipe our lip marks off their faces. Actually, if someone in the proofreading department could totally delete that last bit…

The Pussycat Dolls have fulfilled their name's prophecy - well almost, anyway. They were set to become actual big-booted, mini-skirted, tummy baring toy dolls in the near future. Toy making monolith Hasbro had briefly inked a deal with the Pussycats' recording label Interscope for the privilege of using the band's likeness.

Some people were pretty ticked that the burlesque dance troupe were to find their way into so many children's toy chests. A spokesperson for a particularly worried group said regarding Hasbro's decision to make the toys:

"This is very sad and terribly irresponsible. They are stealing the innocence of our children."

Don't worry world! The endless barrage of complaints worked. Hasbro went and canceled the doll making deal it'd made with the girl's record label. A statement from the toy-maker said in part:

"Interscope's current creative direction and images for the recording group are focused on a much older target than we had anticipated at the time of our original discussions."

In faux news, food giant Jell-O has recently announced a line of Heidi Fleiss flavoured pudding pops, and the Mary Poppins character is reportedly set to make a huge comeback hosting a step-by-step coat hanger abortion video, with production winding down in time for the 2006 Holiday season.  

Kids, they do grow up fast.

Read more:

Hasbro Ends Plans For Pussycat Dolls - New York Times

[story by Shawn Lindseth]