Like many people, we spent most of yesterday hiding under our desk terrified that someone would drive a flaming jeep through our first-floor window, but apparently some other people went and saw a concert about Princess Diana instead.
Yesterday 60,000 middle-aged women put down their Princess Diana As An Angel tapestries and went along to Wembley Stadium to celebrate Princess Diana's 46th birthday at the Princess Diana Tribute concert. Acts from around the world, like Duran Duran, Elton John, that boy that won the Joseph programme and Orson, came together to a) remember all that Princess Diana achieved in her life, b) give their album sales a nice little boost and c) try as hard as humanly possible not to make any jokes about bulimia or car crashes, lest they incur the wrath of 60,000 really ticked off Daily Express readers.
Big day, yesterday. Not only did smoking indoors get banned in the UK, but the top half of the country remained under four feet of water and the angry men decided to start blowing cars up in busy places again. Despite all of this, though, the really big news from yesterday was that Bryan Ferry sang Let's Stick Together because it was Princess Diana's birthday.
On what would have been her 46th birthday, Princes William and Harry temporarily stopped toying with girls' emotions and toying with girls' breasts to gather together some of the biggest best most available acts in the world to celebrate their mother's life. In a summer that looks likely to be dominated by a flood of Princess Diana books, Princess Diana memorials and TV shows about Princess Diana's smashed-up face, the Princess Diana Tribute Concert was always going to be the high-point. Almost immediately sold-out – even though Rod Stewart was on the bill – the Princess Diana concert painted a saintly picture of the woman who could one minute hold hands with a leper and the next go and have sex with that married rugby player. Reuters reports that the concert was a success, both for Princess Diana's sons and weirdos with a little bit too much time on their hands:
The princes, who danced and joined a Mexican wave during the concert, organised the event to mark the 10th anniversary of their mother's death and celebrate her charity work, which they felt had been forgotten amid negative press. "For us this has been the most perfect way of remembering her and this is how she would want to be remembered," William, 25, said at the end of the gig, to loud applause. I camped out in London for her funeral, so I really wanted to be here today. She was a caring person who always thought of others," said Julie Rocks.
That's not to say that the Princess Diana concert – broadcast globally to an audience of 500 million – wasn't full of shocks, however, most notably the number of absentees. For example, even though she's been genetically predetermined to sing sad songs at charity concerts, Annie Lennox was nowhere to be seen. Nor were those with the fondest memories of Princess Diana; like George Michael, who thought Princess Diana wanted to shag him and David Hasselhoff, who thought Princess Diana wanted to shag him.
Despite all this, though, Prince William was right – the Princess Diana concert was the perfect way to remember Diana, and when it comes to the tenth anniversary of the death of one of our loved ones, we want to mark it by hiring Tom Jones and Joss Stone to shout "WoahaaahhhhooooOHAHHOOAHHH!" at each other for ten minutes in front of thousands of non-plussed middle-aged women who haven't been to a concert since 1972 too. And we'd also like to commission a series of short films that are meant to highlight all the good work that the deceased accomplished in their lifetime but end up so closely resembling Children In Need charity appeals that everyone watching them just feels weirdly guilty about everything instead.
So hooray for the Princess Diana Tribute Concert. When we look back on the period of 2007 directly between Glastonbury and Live Earth, Princess Diana will be the first thing we think of. Well, the second thing after all the horrifying attempts at terrorist attacks. And the flooding. And Wimbledon. And the smoking ban. And Die Hard 4 coming out. OK, the Princess Diana concert will be the sixth thing we think about. So long as we don't think about the Russian federal subject of Koryakia merging into the Kamchata Oblast too much, obviously.
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jim says
think you will find it’s the bottom half of the country that’s under water – we’re fine up here in Scotland !
Simon says
You are a disgrace to try and emotionally blackmail people by including;
“Like many people, we spent most of yesterday hiding under our desk terrified that someone would drive a flaming jeep through our first-floor window”
You are just as bad as Gordon Brown, trying to stir up some fear and hatred with your openning lines there. You are the epitomony of modern day journalists, and you should be ashamed. Grow up.
Tim says
I would be more worried about a jeep driving through the ground floor window!, unless you have just watched a team of shady doctors constructing a ramp to the first floor!
Ali says
Yeah, what Simon said. Stop trying to stir up fear and hatred like Gordon Brown, all these people did was try and randomly maim and kill members of the public with exploding cars.
Grow up and be ashamed, you and the prime minister have a lot to answer for.
Tonmeister Jones says
It was simultaneously the most hilarious and toe-curlingly dreadful event I have ever seen through my television. Although, with a bit of luck, a few million people’s eyes will have been opened to the fact that Ricky Gervaise is f*cking sh1t, and they should therefore stop buying his DVDs and attending his gigs.
Could probably have done with a dozen or so flaming jeeps on stage to liven up the proceedings a bit. Maybe a couple in the audience as well. Just a thought.
G says
Don’t you people understand sarcasm?
Duncan Corps says
jim Says:
> think you will find it’s the bottom half of the country that’s under
> water – we’re fine up here in Scotland !
Isn’t Scotland a separate country from England? I think England is the country which is submerged.
Jim in NC says
What a bitter bitch you are! Here in the US I could give a S**T about the “Royal” family and find it lake so many British customs to be an outrageous waste of tax money. (Ya’ll really need to spend it on dental care, you all have bad teeth!) I too feel it was all a silly waste of time and emotion attended by people with way too much time on their hands but judging from your article, you fit right in there bro!!
Arbroath1 says
A good comment about George Michael. I did expect a performance.
Gilbert Wham says
If I were you, I would be somewhat proud of being dubbed the ‘epitomony of mopdern journalists'(sic). Please accept my permission to set fire to something in honour of your favourite cause to celebrate this accolade. If you can find anything that’s not too damp to light of course
Dave says
When you say “horrifying” attempt, I assume you mean “laughable”?
And I don’t think you’re as bad as Gordon Brown. You haven’t even begun to horrify Britain’s children yet.
Kevin from Bathurst says
PROTIP: he’s not being sarcastic
charles says
just when i was poised to lambaste you as the petulant cretins you so obviously are, i am forced to observe the mitigating contributions of my countryman jim, who fails to recognize the tackiness of the US obsession with superficial cosmetics and disdain for education.
please do not find in that any justification for your tired aspirations to jaded sophisticate betrayed by your obsession with the pop culture you attempt to disdain. what a tragic position, far more compatible with preadolescent angst than cultured cosmopolitan, sophistication negated by sophistry.
magic8ball says
OK, I initially read that as “terrified that someone would drive a flaming sheep through our first-floor window,” which made for a really funny mental image. It also made me wonder what kind of fabulous weed is available over there.
tamara says
Hmm. . .war? celebrity? terrorism? Which of these subject matters does your website focus on? I’m not a diana fanatic, yet I must point out – as we don’t all spend 24/7 focusing on society’s real problems maybe it ain’t so bad for a couple of blokes to celebrate the life of their mum who shook hands with a leper and shagged a rugby player, did what she could with her fame to help some folk and who gives a shit about who she shagged? Do you do anything for charity? Or do you stick ya head down when passing the students with the clip boards?! If your mum died smashed against a wall do you reckon everyone should forget the bitch? – good plan dick head