Now and then, people utter some sort of philosophical phrase about shunning the past and leaning in a wonky style towards the future.

Living in times gone by could be detrimental for someone’s well-being. Imagine if we were stuck in the early nineties. We’d have to listen to crap grunge music, and internet porn would download at an abysmal speed due to prehistoric connections. But some of our favourite celebrities would be alive and well, such as Michael Jackson and everyone’s favourite royal, Princess Diana.

Despite leaving us all many years ago, Diana is being brought back into the world again via her clothing. Yes, for a stupid amount of money, you can purchase one of her old dresses! Why? Well, we’re not sure. Maybe it’ll make you feel posher.

We’re always relearning the rules of life. You see, once upon a time we couldn’t quite move on from an old girlfriend and kind made sure that she ended up wherever we were. Same trains, the same restaurants and even in the same lingerie section of Tesco, we were the literal masters of the ‘coincidence’. That reaction she gave us definitely wasn’t ‘leave me alone you weirdo’ but more like ‘what a lovely surprise’.

Then everything went wrong. One day, as we innocently picked up her rubbish that we accidently stumbled into, we got accused of stalking and harassment. Who says you can’t re-use a pair of disused socks? As it happens, the police and jury system did, but that’s another matter. So imagine our surprise when we saw the opportunity to purchase one of Princess Diana’s old frocks.

Honestly, it’s one rule for former royals and one for the normal folk of the world. What would you do with one of her dresses? Put on a plastic crown, rub your royal tits and scream. “Ooooooooo look at me I’m eighty seventh in line to the throne because I bought The Queen an ice-cream at Glastonbury in 1973”?

The black taffeta gown – which to us sounds like a Swedish bubblegum – was originally worn by Princess Di in 1981. Christ, 1981. The royal family come in for a lot of stick these days, but you can’t deny that those buggers know how to hoard. The supposedly iconic dress is set to fetch up to £50,000 when it appears at Kerry Taylor Auctions in London on June 8. The Telegraph reports:

“This gown forms part of the Emanuel Archive of Princess Diana-related material comprising 30 lots ranging from actual clothes worn by the Princess to fashion sketches, invoices, letters and related ephemera and expected to fetch a total of up to £175, 000. It charts the transformation of the Princess from a young, inexperienced teenager into a world-renowned style icon.”

Perhaps it’ll come with genuine stains as well. It would only add to authenticity. Diana looks the sort of girl who wouldn’t skip on the garlic mayo after a night of partying in some unpronounceable prince’s palace. Look close enough, and there could be a chip stuck in the lining!

Perhaps in 2030 we’ll get to bid on the official royal ginger wig so we can look like Prince Harry.

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