Prince William knows only too well that being second in line to the throne has its perks.
For instance, when you're going to be King Of England all sorts of lovely young girls routinely throw themselves at you even though you're an uppity rugby tosser with insane male pattern baldness, a near-incomprehensible speaking voice and a face like a pre-kiln Toby jug of an Easter Island statue made by the blind lady from that Lionel Richie video. Plus people let you fly fighter planes.
That's basically what we're getting at – someone's decided to let Prince William fly a fighter plane. That's about it.
Unlike his layabout brother Harry, who can spend the rest of his life groping girls and pretending that he doesn't want a DNA test, Prince William knows that one day he'll be King of England, and that he has to prepare mercilessly for the overbearing responsibility of waking up every day, eating a swan, opening a hospital, eating another swan, throwing a bit of a tantrum when people take his photo, eating another swan and then going to sleep on a waterbed filled with the tears of the poor.
Actually, there's a little more to it than that. As King, Prince William also automatically becomes head of the British armed forces. Leaving aside the terrifying thought that an 81-year-old woman is currently in charge of an entire nation's military firepower – something that, from our experience, leads us to believe that Britain will soon go to war with the council and all these young people with their music that's all bang bang bang – it means that Prince William needs to get ready for everything to come.
And, as head of the British military, Prince William needs to be able to fly a fighter plane, just in case the rest of the army all gets ill on the same day that there's an important country to bomb. So, starting from today, that's exactly what Prince William is learning to do. CNN reports on the start of Prince William's RAF training:
A defense ministry spokesman said William will first learn about modern air power and the traditions of the RAF. Then he is to begin flying lessons with several units, including support helicopter, search-and-rescue, air transport, and fighter aircraft. William will start his lessons in a training aircraft for fighter jet pilots, the defense ministry spokesman said. The prince will then learn to fly the four-passenger Squirrel helicopter.
Once that's done, Prince William will have achieved military experience in the army and the RAF, meaning that he'll just have to sail around the world in a Royal Navy submarine and he'll have got the hat-trick. Thus, able to kill foreigners on land, sea and air, Prince William will be able to lead the British Armed Forces effectively.
And if the man's got any sense, the first thing that Prince William will do is enrol his big-faced girlfriend to be the first one who charges into any conflict with a hunting knife clenched between her teeth firing a shotgun into the air. She needs the practise, you see.
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The Nasty Stewardess says
Outrageous. That is the child of Her Royal Majesty and God-like Diana you’re taking the piss out of.
However, I have to agree with the strange bald pattern comment. Inbreeding between Germans doesn’t come without a cost. Eating 4 swans a day I think you just made up. One will suffice.
I’m struggling to understand WHY the young Mr. Wales has to learn how to fly anything. The RAF says he is having an intensive course of 16 months squeezed down into 4 months. I’ve no doubt that it will be hard work, especially as I am a graduate of Britannia Royal Naval College (how grand!).
Simply put, His Future Majesty (and I love the Monarchy, so I’m not extracting the urine here) has absolutely no reason whatsoever to spend 4 months at the taxpayers expense learning how to fly a Piper Mk 2 or a Squirrel helicopter.
The entire point is that as the future head of the Armed Forces, the young prince MUST have experience in all three Armed Services. I don’t think that spending thousands of pounds on a four month flying course is the best way to achieve this. Look at his Gran during the war…… she only changed the oil in those WRAF trucks, she didn’t fucking spend 4 months training how to weld and fabricate them.
Gilbert Wham says
Is there really a military helicopter called a ‘Squirrel’? Fucking hell. How do our pilots take themselves seriously?
Adam Gade says
You love royalty? Ha. Anyway, yeah thems some lame helicopter names. Over here we have cool ones like: Apache, Blackhawk and Cobra. Of course, most are names of dead indian tribes, but hey who cares?