The Internet was unavailable for comment last night following the news that Prince has proclaimed its death.
That said, we’re pretty sure it Googled the phrase ‘career of Prince’ in order to come up with a definition of ‘dead’.
In an interview with The Mirror, Prince announced that “the internet’s completely over” despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Rumours that he also believes that the days of ‘gravity’ and ‘the sky’ are also numbered are unconfirmed.
We can only assume the pint-sized funkster has become a PhD in Made-Up Science as he went on to state: “Anyway, all these computers and digital gadgets are no good. They just fill your head with numbers and that can’t be good for you.”
His new album is entitled 20Ten, once again showing his fondness for the use of numbers in song titles and album names. The numbers he favours must be the ‘good ones’ then, not those nasty old ‘gadget’ numbers.
“I don’t see why I should give my new music to iTunes or anyone else.” Said the miniature publishing revolution, who has also shut down his own website and online store in favour of sticking his new CD to the front of a manky British tabloid.
Because that’s the future.
However, given the reported bulk of his unreleased catalogue and the sheer scale of competing distribution method ‘The Internet’, we can expect to see one his EPs glued to every unwanted take-away menu that comes through our door from now until the end of time.
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Now slow down a minute – you’re telling me that Prince is still putting out music? Prince as in the munchkin guy who changed his name to a squiggle before diminishing in popularity to the point where having an unpronounceable name is just really annoying and stupid? That guy? Because I’m pretty sure he died in the 90s. Oh, my mistake, I’m just thinking of his career.