‘PR Guru’ Max Clifford Unable to Keep His Arrest Out the Papers

Max Clifford

We’ve reached the end of the world. People, it was good knowing you. But six days before 12/12/12, we have a fundamental sign of the impending, bloody, firey doom that’s waiting for us. The kaleidoscope has been shaken, and the cards have been drawn, and all I can see is some shitty nonsensical pattern and WHOTHEFUCKPUTSTHEJOKERINTHEPACK?!

Celebrities, cuckolds and misanthropic wifebeaters everywhere are shitting bricks. Max Clifford, the waxwork model of whom (oh, I’m being informed that is a real photo of him) the infallible human fireblanket that keeps them oh so flame retardant, has been arrested today. And he’s not just been arrested for stealing a pint of milk – oh, no no no…

Clifford’s been arrested under Operation Yew Tree, which you might better know as ‘That Big Police Case Relating to the Billion Times Human Monster Jimmy Savile Molested Children an Awful Lot’. Right now (hello Mr Clifford’s legal team! Thanks for Googling us!) I want to point out categorically that Mr Clifford has been classified as “others” in relation to the case and there is no suggestion that he had any links to Jimmy Savile whatsoever beyond the fact that he’s been arrested by officers working on Operation Yew Tree.


What Clifford has been arrested under is “suspicion of sexual offences”, which is kind of bad in and of itself. He joins the hallowed pantheon of Dave Lee Travis, Freddie Starr and Gary Glitter as media personalities that have been arrested by officers working on Operation Yew Tree, which is like saying that you have been awarded a place in the dictator’s hall of fame alongside Hitler, Stalin and Mao Tse-Tsung.

Max Clifford

Clifford is the fifth person arrested through the operation. The one name missing is the awesomely named Wilfred De’Ath (it’s DAY-ATH, not death). Hilariously, Clifford said that when the allegations around Savile first broke, countless entertainers in their 60s and 70s came running to him so he could work his PR magic (generally giving the journalist a nice fluff piece and a mint Aero seems to do the trick) and save the day.

There’s this weird conundrum now. Who do you turn to when you’re the person people turn to? I guess we’ll find out shortly.