Ladies and gentleman, the moment we've all been waiting for has arrived.
David and Victoria Beckham have put their seven bedroom Hertfordshire estate on the market and are finally packing up shop and moving to America full time. HAHAHAHAHA AMERICA! They?re your problem now.
Unbelievably the two-headed, barely one brained, self-promoting, outfit-matching monster have been terrorising our poor nation for 13 years. 13 bloody years. To put things into perspective, when these two all-encompassing nobheads met in the Manchester United players? lounge in 1997, Tony Blair was popular, the UK won the Eurovision Song Contest and Lindsay Lohan was actually a respected actress. No really. What a crazy old world, eh?
But after the births of their oddly named offspring, an alleged affair with a woman who?ll happily help a pig rub one out and an infamous kick from the world's most annoying football manager, the Beckhams have decided to leave our fair soil and make their move to America permanent, even though the country has already made it clear that they don't give a toss about them. Oh well.
A spokeswoman for the Beckhams said: “I can confirm David and Victoria have had their UK home valued.”
we're sure this has nothing to do with the fact that their accountants have told them to stop shitting their fortune down the toilet and all to do with the fact that once you make friends with the likes of Tom Cruise, you're life is set. Let's just hope that America doesn't get some crazy idea to punish us by offloading one of their talent less harridans. Seriously Paris Hilton, put your passport and coke-filled handbag down, we just got rid of Peaches Geldof and the country is all the better for it.