Smart celebrities know the money ride doesn’t last forever. Look at Tito Jackson, for instance. Last we heard he was living in a box and wrestling mice for lunch.

That’s why famous-folk with any ounce of smarts take the money while its coming in and invest it somewhere to protect their bank accounts against the day they turn ugly and covered in stretch marks.

Jamie Waylett, a young actor only known as ‘the foodie’ on all 100 Harry Potter movies, is smart enough to know this. That’s why he started a viable pot farm in his mom’s house bedroom.

If hecklerspray was allowed but a portion of the Harry Potter money still flying around like mad out there, we’d take it and make a girlfriend entirely out of bacon. We’d call her Heather, and would gnaw her a little every morning next to a steaming plate of eggs. We’d start at the toes and work our way up – completely avoiding the lady part we’re too shy to mention.

When her legs were gone we imagine it would get more and more difficult to drag her across the movie-house parking lot to catch a matinee. That’s probably when we’d pause for a few minutes, remember our good times together in a montage-like format, and then eat the rest of her to bestow the dignity we know she’s always wanted.

Jamie Waylett, on the other hand, would use his Harry Potter money to get pulled over by police who would later raid his home and find alleged pot plants reaching eagerly for the light provided by a Playstation screen.

The NY Daily News lends us some much needed clarification:

Cops stopped Waylett on April 2 while he was driving his Audi car, because they thought he was acting suspiciously. Inside the car, officers allegedly found eight bags of marijuana and arrested Waylett and his friend. Police later raided the 19-year-old actor’s home, taking ten mature plants with them… The pot was allegedly being grown under powerful hydroponic lights, right next to Waylett’s Playstation and his DJ decks.

Well we don’t know which we find more offensive – this or the thought of nudist Rupert Grint and naked Emma Watson eventually making love to their bacon-spouses should a dynamite script ever demand it.

One dynamite script does demand it, actually. It’s our Mother’s. She’s been working on it since we were in kindergarten, and (spoiler) it climaxes when a bacon-lady gives up everything after she falls madly in love with the President of the United States, who it ends up had bacon innards all along. The basic plot’s been written for ages – we were all hoping Ronald Reagan would be able to play himself once he left office.

Things didn’t play out that way though. Obviously. Anyone know a look-alike? We’re willing to pay a handsome salary.

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