There are two types of people in this world: us and them. While we scurry about in our stinking, disappointment-filled excuses for lives, they’re laughing at us while they clink champagne glasses and stare at the most beautiful ladies on earth.

Only now, the barriers between us and them are starting to fall.

Something that was once the exclusive province of celebrity types like Frank Sinatra (CDs), Jack Nicholson (DVDs) and, erm, Justin Timberlake (CDs) – the Playboy mansion – is all set to open it’s doors to the public and turn into a tourist attraction.

Don’t go booking those plane tickets just yet, though. Classy softcore-peddler Hugh Hefner has confirmed that such a scheme is being drawn up… but only after he’s keeled over and gone to that big Bunny-Girl Convention in the sky.

Which may not be that soon. Hefner is admittedly no spring chicken at 79, but compared to his mother – who powered on to the ripe old age of 101 – he’s postively bursting with the joys of youth.

When he does finally snuff it – probably with a smug grin on his face – porno punters will be able to step through those gilded doors and take a peek at what their grubby little dollars have been paying for. This includes a bedroom, games room and something rather disturbingly referred to as ‘the monkey cage‘.

The Monkey Cage? Is there something Mr. Hefner isn’t telling us? Is he planning a special ‘primates-only’ issue of his magazine in the near future?

Monkey centrefolds? Whatever. It’d probably still be more erotic than watching Jordan whip her baps out for the millionth time.

[story by C J Davies]