Look at the picture. Really look at it, drink it in. Go on, keep looking.
Look at Bono singing his heart out, look at Chris Martin putting effort into his performance. Jesus, look at Gary Barlow, he's brought along some water. And who's that on the right? It's Brandon Flowers. He's a Mormon or something. Look at him. Keep looking at him. Now look at all of them. Keep looking. It's amazing. Now look away. Now look back. Now away. And back. Away. Back. Away. Back. Away. Back. Away. Away. Ha! Gotcha!
Now be sick.
Of course, after looking at the picture, you need to start questioning what it's all about. Who could coordinate such a phenomenal collaboration? And, more the point, why? What's wrong with them? Are they Osama Bin Laden?
Now, we're not in the habit of sneering at things, but Jesus Christ, look at them! Four awful, awful human beings. we're one Sting away from staring directly into the eyes of Satan. With that in mind, we decided to play a game we've christened ‘The One Bullet Conundrum’. Which of these guys would get it?
Chris Martin
Chris? number one problem is that he's a really big Coldplay fan. He loves them, he loves their music, at their gigs he's always jumping up and down at the front, singing along with all the words. He also dresses like a total cock. The only thing saving Chris from a certain bullet is that there's someone on stage who's even more self-important and impossible to like. Chris, you got lucky this time.
Gary Barlow
Gary, for all his faults, seems alright. He's a bit like an uncle who pops around over Christmas, tells you his boring stories, cracks a stupid joke about stuffing, and then leaves. The minute he disappears from your house, you forget him forever. He's like a fart that doesn't smell. An anodyne glass of water of a man, the bullet would probably miss him, because it's like he's not really there.
Brandon Flowers
Lots of people absolutely adore The Killers. These are the same people who think that Coldplay are magnificent, that U2 are GODS, and that Keane are this close to making their Joshua Tree. You know them, you might even be friends with them. But you're not really friends with them are you? Secretly, you hate them, with their never-changing haircuts, and flat-pack girlfriends. They own a Faithless CD, for Christ?s sake. But, lucky for Brandon, this bullet doesn't have his name on it?
Bono
? and that's because Bono is there. Big bloody Bono, with his stupid whispering singing voice, and his breakfasts with people who are far more important than him. Bloody Bono. In fairness, the bullet never had a choice.
This was a guest blog by Josh Burt of Interestment. Hooray for bloody him, we say.
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Shooty* says
Bono.
With Chris Martin standing behind him.
Barlow and Flowers are OK in my book. Flowers gets a reprieve for writing mr Brightside, even if EVERY. SINGLE. OTHER. Killers song since has been cack. And they have.
Scaraboo says
Christ, Shooty! That is EXACTLY what I was thinking.
Probably put Flowers behind Martin just in case luck was on my side…
Shooty* says
I Am The Vox Populii.
Bubba King says
How weird you all are. What a strange little useless site! HA!
Nunya says
Freaks! How dare you speak about a prominent person “taking a bullet.”
R says
My post is 3 years late so no one will read it anyways… but jeez the amount of that toward some of the greatest souls, good solid human beings who choose to share their love with the rest of us ungrateful fucks never ceases to amaze me. One Love fools!