And now an idea that makes Itchy and Scratchy Land (‘the violentest place on earth’) sound plausible. Some unnamed idiot is planning to take £60 million of a conglomerate of fools’ money and build Dickensworld.
A Charles Dickens theme park. We shit you not.
“We have great expectations," commented comedy backer and candidate for the nut house Kevin Christie. “There
are a number of rides and attractions, but I call them more pink-knuckle rides than white-knuckle rides.â€
Check your calendars. Yep, it’s April the 8th – this one’s for real.
All your favourite characters from a load of books nobody reads anymore will soon be appearing in mechanical form at London’s Cheltenham Docks.
This huge regeneration site is to be Dickensworld’s home for however long it takes to go into receivership. Ever wondered what the Artful Dodger would look like flogging you Pepsi and a throwaway big mac? Well, you’re gonna find out.
Clearly worried a plastic-fantastic Dickens theme park would cheapen the author’s image, the backers decided to get the Dickens Heritage Trade in on the act. "They were keen to get their Dickens right," commented deluded General Secretary Tony Williams.
Man alive, how can people be so stupid?
What child in their right mind is gonna want to ‘play’ at being in a poor house or muck out synthetic turds from the gutter on a Saturday afternoon? Dickensworld’s intention to create the look and feel of one of the toughest periods to be penniless in UK history is more senseless than a Ford C-Max. I mean, an MPV Fiesta, what’s the point?
Dickensworld is going to fail, no question. Even Cheltenham’s new nine screen cinema is not going to keep you in the area long enough to get a parking ticket.
A Dickens theme park actually seems designed to scare you away. Perhaps if you get to be Ebenezer Scrooge and yell at people in a mocked up sweatshop we might all decide to pay it a visit? That’d be more fun than taking the Bleak House ride, that’s for damned certain.
And they say this country is short of money. What next, ‘Communicable Disease Land’? ‘Astroturf World’? Wow, that’d be fun, mum.
Unbelievable.
Reuters has more on this painful story.
[story by Chris Laverty]
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
And it’s really happening. Shame Communicable Disease Land never got the go-ahead though.
You are such arrogant people . I absolutely adore Dickens, and so do people worlwide, i think it will be a great insite into his life , mind, and times!!!
Its Chatham, not Cheltenham.