In 98% of court cases the jury selection process is nothing more than a tedious piece of administration to be swiftly dealt with, but that's because 98% of the accused don't turn up to court with a lesbian's haircut, like Phil Spector has done lately.
That's right – out has gone Phil Spector's gigantic white man's afro and confused cornrows, and in has come a pretty blonde bob cut that Phil Spector appears to have modelled on recent pictures of Anne Widdecombe. Now the world waits on the answer to one single question with baited breath – what mental haircut will Phil Spector turn up to court in next? Devilhorns? A Beehive? Dreadlocks? A Pompadour? A natty Russian Khokhol? We literally can't wait to find out. Oh, and we'd quite like to know if Phil Spector shot that woman in the face too, but not as much.
The Phil Spector murder trial is going to take up a whole lot of your time between now and September, so it's probably best that you settle down and get used to it. It's going to take a very thorough trial to decide whether or not Phil Spector shot B-movie actress Lana Clarkson in the mouth during a visit to his pretend Hollywood castle in 2003, but that's not to say it won't be at least slightly entertaining – especially if Phil Spector keeps turning up to court with that weird blonde haircut that's half professional lesbian and half Steve Irwin.
But as much as we'd happily enjoy writing about Phil Spector's lesbian haircut until the cows come home, there's also the slightly more pressing matter of the Phil Spector murder trial to deal with. After all, it's been delayed enough already. As on Monday, yesterday saw the Phil Spector murder trial jury being selected, and again it featured several potential jurors being quizzed on their idea of celebrity, as E! Online reports:
Those who didn't beg off what's expected to be a three-month-long trial received 18-page questionnaires focused, in part, on gauging their attitudes toward celebrities, a group to which Spector may or may not belong, depending on one's familiarity with the 1960s. One sample question, per reports, is: "Do you think that people of wealth or fame are treated differently in the court system?" According to the Los Angeles Times, potential jurors are also being asked to give thumbs-ups or thumbs-downs to statements about how stars are treated by L.A. law enforcement.
Other questions being put to the prospective Phil Spector murder trial jury are thought to include "Is a man more likely to be a murderer if he has a massive afro or a tidy lesbian haircut?" and "In your opinion, does agreeing to produce an album by Starsailor make a man criminally insane?" OK, they're not actual questions being put to the jury. But they should be.
Now that the two day initial selection process of 300 potential Phil Spector jury members is over, there'll be a few weeks break before 200 of them are called back for more whittling down. This will take place in a disused theatre where each juror will be asked to sing a number from a selection of pop standards alone and in groups of three to set choreography. The successful jurors will then be put through to a public telephone vote, while those who didn't make it will be commiserated by a brief yet sympathetic interview with Cat Deeley. Wait, that's not happening either. The Phil Spector murder trial will be televised, though, so we're kind of right.
The final jury is expected to be chosen by April 16 with opening arguments provisionally set for April 30. If found guilty of murder, Phil Spector faces a harsh punishment. At the most Phil Spector will get a life sentence, and at the very least a guilty verdict will result in Phil Spector doing the kind of embarrassing community service that seems to be so popular these days.
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Suzann says
Well, technically it’s a wig, not a haircut. Maybe it’s a wigcut.