Phil Spector Murder Trial: Everyone Gets A Few Months Off

Now that the Phil Spector murder trial has been declared a mistrial, we all know once and for all that Phil Spector definitely didn't kill Lana Clarkson, unless he did, which he might have done for all anyone knows.

Oddly enough, Judge Larry Paul Fidler isn't happy with clear-sighted outcomes like this - he's like a one-man, bald-headed, truth-sniffing bloodhound pushing for a brand new Phil Spector murder trial that'll either a) find Phil Spector guilty of murder and send him to jail for the rest of his life, b) discover that Phil Spector is innocent and that Lana Clarkson killed herself and dig up her body and send that to jail for wasting everyone's time or c) exactly the same as that last one but without the bit about the grave-robbing. But it looks as if Phil Spector's retrial won't take place until at least Spring '08 because all of Phil Spector's lawyers are currently running as far away from him as they possibly can.

Messy things, mistrials. Just look at Phil Spector - after the Phil Spector murder trial was declared a mistrial, everyone has been effectively left in limbo; not least Phil Spector himself, who now has to ditch his plans to write a book called either If I Did It, Here's How it Happened or If I Did It… Oh, Who Am I Kidding? I Did Do It and start from scratch on a new book called I'm Buggered If I'm Going To Tell You If I Did It Or Not, I'm Free! Free! Suckers!

But Phil Spector shouldn't get too comfortable with being a free man, because Judge Larry Paul Fidler thinks a retrial should take place as soon as possible, and the District Attorney's office is straining at the leash to spend another five months trying to present serious evidence about an alleged murder without becoming entranced by Phil Spector's glowing orb of a haircut and messing it up as badly as last time round. Don't go thinking, though, that a Phil Spector retrial will be happening any time soon - and it's all thanks to Phil Spector's lawyers all doing a Bruce Cutler and running away to spend the rest of their lives wearing false moustaches and pretending not to know who Phil Spector is. The LA Times reports:

Roger J. Rosen, who had been Spector's lead counsel for much of the trial, pushed Wednesday for a 60-day delay before a retrial is discussed. But Los Angeles County Superior Court Judge Larry Paul Fidler ordered the parties back to court Oct. 3. On Thursday, Rosen said he would not represent Spector in a retrial. "I signed on for one tour of duty, not two," Rosen said. If Spector… retains new lawyers, they probably would be given several months to prepare. "It would take at least six months for any lawyer to get ready," said Christopher J. Plourd, one of Spector's attorneys. "This is a very complicated, serious homicide case." Plourd said he does not yet know if he will continue to represent Spector. 

Not only this, but Judge Larry Paul Fidler is a highly in-demand judge with a full schedule for the time being, which could lead to a postponement even longer than the mooted six months. But this huge gap before the Phil Spector murder case goes to retrial won't be spent thumb-twiddling. The prosecution will need to find a better way to prove Spector's guilt than by just hauling a man into court and getting him to tell everyone about the Christmas where Phil Spector called all women "fucking cunts" while Spector's lawyers - new or not - need to get their act together to come up with a defence better than 'Phil Spector is a small man who uses his right hand sometimes.' 

The most important thing to consider in a new Phil Spector murder trial - whenever it takes place - though, is the new jury. After this last jury couldn't make its mind up about Phil Spector despite prompting from the judge and a video recorder, it's hoped that one of the initial questions asked in the new jury selection process will be "Are you a dawdling fuckpiece who has trouble making your mind up about stuff you've had five full calender months to consider, even when that stuff concerns a spooked-out old man whose lesbian wig alone gives you nightmare-inducing heebie-jeebies?" 

But, hey, let's look on the bright side - at least this plodding retrial system is going to mean the next few months of your life will be blissfully free of Phil Spector updates.*

Read more:

Spector Retrial May Be In Spring - LA Times 

*That's not a legally-binding statement by any means.