The Hobbit: Peter Jackson & New Line No Longer Be Trippin’

Lava doesn't boil - it makes way for Earth farts. Granted, it may sometimes look as if its boiling, but that's just visual trickery provided by, as we already said, Earth farts. Air bubbles and what not.

No doubt this is the angle New Line intends to play with the new Hobbit movies that are finally moving forward. 'Surprise! The ring's not really destroyed, its just been resting next to a planet sized colon.' Real juvenile New Line! We'll not reward such nonsense with our money! Or our Mom's money! Sure, it's free from the government, but it's because she's disabled! Grow up New Line Cinema!

In more surprising news, Peter Jackson is definitely going to be attached to the film. He and New Line settled their disagreement allowing things to progress. He's not going to direct though. He's going to play King Kong who now conveniently has to destroy the ring the rest of the way. Seriously, it says so on page 12 in the book 'The Real Tolkien volume III,' which we wrote.

Which we intend to write. Maybe next week. We intend to write a Tolkien book maybe next week.

Peter Jackson, who is still fat but uses CGI to look thin, is going to have his hands in the new Hobbit movies. We've heard the new films will have more of a Transformers feel to them, which of course means that they will be about Frodo desperately trying to save humanity by pushing an electric square into Voltron's chest or something. We've seen the storyboard and it looks gripping.

Jackson and his wife will executive produce the new movies, but won't direct them because they are far too busy finding ways for dragons have a meaningful dialogue about race or something. According to Reuters:

"The makers of the smash hit "Lord of the Rings" films said on Tuesday they settled a legal dispute and agreed to make two movies based on J.R.R. Tolkien's "The Hobbit," but most likely without Peter Jackson directing. Oscar winner Jackson, however, has signed on as executive producer along with his wife and producing partner, Fran Walsh, who also was instrumental in making the three "Lord of the Rings" films that earned $3 billion at global box offices."

The first Hobbit movie is said to be titled Gollum: The College Years, and will mostly feature Andy Serkis winning a bet by making an ugly girl popular, winning a sport against incredible odds and/or getting mad and tossing around several drafting tables.

Like we already said, it seems quite gripping.

Read More:

Master of ‘Rings’ to Tackle ‘Hobbit’ - New York Times