Pete Doherty To Continue Making Awful Music In Prison
Then buzz it up
April 14th, 2008 at 11:30 by C J Davies
When shambling oxygen-thief Pete Doherty was recently thrown into prison for the grand total of 14 weeks, hecklerspray felt a murmur within our hearts - a rare glimmer of optimism, if you like.
With P-Doh locked away, we reasoned, surely this would see a brief end to his staggeringly bad musical output? Hell: at least it’d be a long enough hiatus to ensure his fans became obsessed with something more entertaining - like watching a puppy slowly suffocate or listening to the mechanical vibrations of the Phillips X300 Bathroom Extractor Fan (man, when that third whirr cycle kicks in, it’s just awesome).
Alas, it was not to be. In a statement that has devastated the ear-owning community, Doherty has decided that prison life won’t stop him churning out his sixth-form garbage. Mind you, seeing as prisons are essentially rife with drug abuse, violent assault and general hopelessness and despair, a couple of new Babyshambles tracks might make the ideal soundtrack.
Standing by their frontman, the other members of Babyshambles have announced their plans:
“We will send Pete the first nine burns (recordings) so he can work on them in there. It will give him something to keep him occupied, keep him focused and remind him that outside we’re all holding the fort for him. And also that as soon as he gets out it will be business as usual.”
Not only that - it’ll give him a fantastic defence mechanism while he’s inside. Let’s face it: if a crack-addled convict with a flick-knife was charging at you, what better method of deterrence would there be than to flash the cover of Shotter’s Nation and yell ‘one step closer and I stick this on the stereo, motherfucker‘?
You’d be like John Gotti in no time.
Read More:
PETE DOHERTY - DOHERTY TO WORK ON NEW ALBUM FROM JAIL - Contactmusic
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April 14th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
Lol what a shit website… Using thier childlike wit to attack every person in the public eye. Of course we need somebody in the press to have this kind of crap unfunny opinion but fuck off. Just fuck off.
April 14th, 2008 at 5:10 pm
LOL, or in this case, Lol…
The official netlingo of retards everywhere.
April 14th, 2008 at 6:07 pm
HE’S A POET AND A GENUS SO FUCK RIGHT OFF HATERS
He suffers because is so genus and every drop of
sweat lining his sacred trilby has more wisdom in it then
a whole really big water thing of you!!! Haters!
WHy don’t you just right happy things about J-Lo and puppies
and rainbows, and how can you have such a dum opinions?
Don’t you even have ears I bet you don’t have no ears then right?
boo hooo hoo. You’re peeing on my god.
April 14th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
I have the start of some lyrics for P’Dohy to use:
“Thinking my fans gives me such hope,
but why oh why did I pick up the soap?”
April 14th, 2008 at 9:22 pm
M - yeah!
From his new wondrously wonderful dreamy new
poetical lyric genius hit, “it’s hard/getting clean”
“I scrub my emotions to find what is real, but
The cleaner I get, the dirtier I feel…(ouch)” etc.
April 14th, 2008 at 10:04 pm
Here’s my bit…
“I never thought my life as such a shameful farce
Until my cell-mate’s hot nob went deep up in my arse.”
April 15th, 2008 at 6:25 am
I feel bad for drug addicts the world over.
And celebrities looking down the barrel of the Hecklerspray Wit Cannon. Dreadful.
April 15th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Pete Doherty/Kate Moss Charity Fund
I am willing to contribute a 20 if everyone else is to a fund for these two.
We get a kitty together to buy as much drugs as will fit into two large horse syringes. They each inject the entire amount, overdose, and die, thus sparing us from ever hearing from either again.
Will anyone else contribute?
April 15th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
isn’t this why we pay taxes?
April 15th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
whoever wrote this article is a fuckin douche
April 15th, 2008 at 7:18 pm
tom, the author is listed right under the title. Also, you forgot to type “LOL” in your unsubstantiated post, you lazy and stupid bastard.
April 16th, 2008 at 11:47 am
Have any of you stupid cunts ever listened to The Libertines ?
C J Davies you really are a uneducated bucket of shit.
April 16th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Bah. “uneducated bucket of shit” is lame.
You really have to come up with something like ‘Cunt Joker Davies’ to match the likes of ‘Shit Heritage’.
April 16th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
‘What A Waster’: fun debut single, best thing they ever did
‘Up The Bracket’: had its odd moments, no classic
‘Don’t Look Back Into The Sun’: good pop song
‘The Libertines’: tedious and shambling
Anything else, noticeably Doherty left to his own devices: unmitigated shite
Hope this has cleared things up for you, Kez.
April 16th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
No not really CJ
Its clear that your taste in music is shite and your research of the band poor at best.
Cant stand me now (thats the other song you may of heard on the radio)
If Pete Doherty is so talentless lyrically why was he chosen by the British Council to go to Russia to perform his own poetry at the age of 16.
April 16th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
The British Arts Council also gave significant funding to the film ‘Sex Lives Of The Potato Men’.
Try to be a bit more analytical, for Christ’s sake. It’ll probably help in the long run.
(’Can’t Stand Me Now’ was featured on ‘The Libertines’, by the way, which was why I didn’t list it with the other two non-album singles. Hope this has cleared things up for you, Kez).
April 16th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
In answer to Kez, yes I actually do own all the Libs stuff I actually like them, well most of the band. You can see where to talent is in it. Look at it this way. Pete and Carl split, Carl takes the band (pretty much) and forms Dirty Pretty Things and do some great stuff. Pete forms Babyshambles and release a rambliing pile of shite as the first album. Most of the band get bored and fuck off. Pete gets more guys in and makes an okish second album.
Where was the talent in the Libs? Not with P’Doh.
April 16th, 2008 at 11:32 pm
No not really CJ
Waster and dont look back are actuually on the latest Libs album (for your info)
Mithawaron
Ive seen DPT 3 times (love the band but awful on all occasions/and on the verge of splitting)
The second shambles album (except 1 member Patrick Walden whos in rehab) has the same line up ??
April 17th, 2008 at 12:49 am
how sad that you need to post articles on the internet about people you hate.
surely, you must be in awe of him for you to write so much about him! i’m sure if you actually listened to some songs, you’d warm to him. at least he is doing more productive writing a.k.a lyrics and songs, than your stupid articles, that have to write shite about writers who you think write shite.
how sad.
April 17th, 2008 at 8:21 am
Kez the latest album you refer to is a greatest hits type collection CJ was refering to studio releases.
April 17th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
i think you doherty crusaders are very funny. i’d spell windup for you but then again, maybe you wouldn’t get it. maybe you’d think i was referring to windex and try to inject it.
i really think they should sell essence of pete doherty as a new drug. i’d try a bit (had it been washed before…), maybe. or maybe i’d rather go for a snort of amy winehouse, she seems a bit more into uppy things. or all of the above for a surreal week in drugapalooza.
April 17th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
How much shite would a shite writer write if a shite writer could write shite?
April 17th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
Thanks Gir, that’s better, I thought for a moment there that people actually gave a crap…and that would have been the final straw.
April 17th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
“at least he is doing more productive writing a.k.a lyrics and songs”
If you are using the word productive in the sense that a cough is productive when it horks up lots of phlegm, then yes I agree.
April 17th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
Liam! Call the fan club! We’ve got a first-class second form red-phone situation here -
Hecklers are out numbering over-earnest puppydog Ballsack Pete fans
by wide margins! It just won’t do! We’re having to resort
to multiple mockings of the same tired post!
We need fresh meat! More fodder, please!
okay!….peace!
April 18th, 2008 at 8:39 am
Going by that facebook thing to get him out of prison, the last time I looked there was only a couple hundred members which to mean says:
* Thats all the fans he has now, which explains their lack of mindless ranting about his “poetic genius here”
* That they must buy multiple copies of his work.
April 18th, 2008 at 8:45 am
aha, i don’t understand this website,
it’s made about him, yet most of the articles take the piss!
and the comments, why read it if you have no interest in him?
I reckon it’s a good thing,
+ i can’t wait for another new album, Shotters Nation was amazing.
April 18th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
“aha, i don’t understand this website,”
aha, that is quite obvious.