Pete Doherty Proves Romance Really Is Dead
Then buzz it up
September 25th, 2007 at 11:00 by Matthew Laidlow
We’ve had our fair share of abuse from Pete Doherty fans in the past, who all seem to think it’s cool to idolise a drug-abusing waster.
Not only has he influenced a lot of retarded fans to snort drugs because “if Pete does it it's so like totally spiritual and the work of a modern day poet,” he also wears stupid hats. So what has Pete Doherty gone and done now? Well - amazingly - this isn't another 'Pete Doherty goes to court' story. There are only so many jokes you can make about the skinny twat becoming some inmate's bitch. This time, Pete Doherty's only gone and given his ex-girlfriend Kate Moss a dead rat as a present. How sweet.
Now call us old-fashioned and living in the past, but wooing women doesn't usually involve giving them presents that are dead. In our experience, women usually prefer to be given gifts that were never alive in the first place, and preferably given to them by men who aren't total twats like Pete Doherty. Are we missing something here? Seriously, please tell us.
As Digital Spy reports, Pete Doherty sent over a dead rodent attached to a broach. Now we do know that Kate Moss is an internationally-famous model who can pick and choose men quite freely. Even though she's started many a fashion trend, we don’t quite think the smell of a decaying rodent would be a huge hit at her Topshop range. Of course, seeing as how we're discussing Pete Doherty, there’s some sort of spiritual meaning behind this fucking creepy gift. Some arse-licking friend/ PR agent/ idiot said at the time:
"It’s become the latest outlandish fashion statement in Manhattan but Pete is trying to emphasise how he feels without Kate – defeated, crushed and broken, like the dead animal."
We’d like to make Pete Doherty feel crushed and broken, too - though not strictly in the emotional sense. For God’s sake, giving someone a dead rat means you’re a total moron who presumably shouldn't expect many calls from Kate Moss begging to have you back any time soon. So where Pete Doherty get this crackpot idea from? Apparently from another rock and roll mess, Courtney Love. Maybe Doherty got the idea when they were both kissing the other week.
But what do we know? This is Pete Doherty; everything he does is uber-cool and this new trend means that it'll only be a few weeks before all the teenage girls in the country get livid when their trilby-wearing boyfriends don’t post them a dead cat through the letterbox as a sign of affection. Jewellers across the land must be bracing themselves for profit drops as girls everywhere expect slug and maggot-based wedding rings. Gold and diamonds must be like so 2006.
Still, at least it’ll get PETA up in a huff.
Read more:
Related and recent:
- Is Kate Moss Pregnant Or Something?
- Kate Moss Probably Dumps Pete Doherty For The Jillionth Time
- Pete Doherty Second-Best Rock Star Ever - Official(ish)
- Pete Doherty To Probably Really Marry Kate Moss Soon, Honest
- Pete Doherty ‘Enjoys Being Dead’
- Pete Doherty & Courtney Love Kissing? Ewwwwwwww
- Pete Doherty Released From Jail 70 Days Early
- Kate Moss Getting Married To Pete Doherty?
September 25th, 2007 at 11:22 am
*sigh* it must suck for Pete.
Afterall he has to come up with various shoddy scams to keep his name in the papers because, like, it’s not as if he has his music to fall back on.
September 25th, 2007 at 3:09 pm
FUCK OFF!!! We do not iidolise Pete because he is a Junkie (which is debatable in itself), we idolise him because he is the most talented musician and lyricist this country has ever produced. Even though he does take drugs, No one has done more to put people off using drugs, no one in their right mind would take drugs after seeing what Pete has been through, i’m not convinced that this was his plan all along. You hate Pete because he’s cleverer than you, and he knows it, (i’m sure you presumed his new album title “shotter’s nation” was a drugs reference, when in fact it is referencing a philospher called Shotter who believed you are what the media makes you), he winds people up (he got beaten up by a policeman for doing his hair in his riot shield) and because he wishes he was born a hundred years ago. PETE FOR PRIME MINISTER (maybe thats going a little to far, but i’m confident he could do a good job, at least he has values)
September 25th, 2007 at 3:44 pm
Ah, Tom. Do you have any idea how hilarious your sixth-form ranting is?
September 25th, 2007 at 3:48 pm
tom tristan you should have your own stand up routine.
First point, pete being a junkie debatable, pissed myself at the one. Next you go for the big one by describing Pete as “the most talented musician and lyricist this country has ever produced”. So you most know a total of one musician then? Then you go back to point one by saying “Even though he does take drugs” where as above you said that was debatable now you are saying he does take drugs.
Can’t be bothered to point by point the rest of the ramble except:
“he wishes he was born a hundred years ago” - most of the nation feels the same way….
I enjoy some of his music and really liked The Libertines, I have just got the Delivery single so I am not someone that hates him I just had to point out your points made me laugh. Then again most fanboy comments on any subject make me laugh.
September 25th, 2007 at 4:11 pm
“Digital Spy reports” = lifted wholesale from the Daily Star, which is of course a bastion of journalistic integrity, and obviously there is no reason to doubt the veracity of this story whatsoever.
September 25th, 2007 at 4:30 pm
“We do not iidolise Pete because he is a Junkie (which is debatable in itself),”
HAHAHAHAHA!!
if pete doherty and amy winehouse had kids, you could sell them as living drugs. really. i’m considering this as a future business venture.
September 26th, 2007 at 12:02 am
Tom “just leave Britney alone!” ‘Tristan’ - or should we say Tristesse
I share with Pete the desire tht he was born 100 years ago.
Then we could look forward to him being gassed in a trench!
And we could enjoy his allegedly fine literary contribution
without the tedium of his scuttling about like a lonesome crab
in search of any sort of mentionin the tabloids.
Forget about the tree in the forest, falling, sound question,
the real question is: if no one talked about Pete would he disappear?
I mean literally. And literarily. And liberally. And hillariously. Cheers
September 26th, 2007 at 12:43 am
Colin McRae is dead,cunt Doherty is alive,why?
September 26th, 2007 at 1:09 pm
Ah, Tommy Tristian. One of the classic mistakes of the “We love P-Doh” fan brigade is that people hate him because he takes drugs. Delusional, my dear friend. No-one cares two hoots that he’s a smackhead. Of course, one does have to keep in mind that smackheads tend to become unreliable, lying, thieving wasters, which is a different issue.
My favourite pastime is watching the other major mistake of the P-Doh Brigade. They believe deeply that if they yell loudly enough that P-Doh is a musical genius, then it shall make it so. Obviously, this just makes them a bunch of skinny jean wearing King Canutes (look, I’ve thrown in a literary/historical reference, just like Pete! Does this make me a genius too?).
And it’s heartening to hear Tom’s views about P-Doh’s place in British musical history. As Britain’s greatest ever musician and lyricist, he’s scampered right past Jimmy Page’s guitar work and the bewitching lyrics of…oh, just about anyone but not quite matching up to the dizzy standards of “H” from Steps. Making “delivery” rhyme with “misery” does not make you a lyrical genius, and the fact that the latest single is a cover of the Kinks shows nothing else bar the capability of that band to inspire.
Tell me, Tommy T, do you wear skinny jeans and a silly hat? Thought so. You’re such a trendsetter, really quite the creative, original one. Just like Pete, who blazed a completely new trail in rock history by getting out of his depth on drugs and dating a model. Absolutely groundbreaking.
My joy will be complete as Shottor’s Nation and it’s “cleverer than thou” title sinks without a trace.
Big Bad Boris.
September 26th, 2007 at 2:29 pm
I’m rather a Pete fan myself but most certainly not because he’s on drugs. I don’t find it ‘cool’ in the least n I don’t think a lot of his fans do either. I love his music, as part of a minority true, but hey everyone to their own. I might just say though if my non trilby-wearing boyfriend doesn’t send me a dead animal in the post I don’t think I’ll be too hard on him.
September 26th, 2007 at 4:13 pm
johnner Says: Colin McRae is dead,cunt Doherty is alive,why?
Presumebly because he wasn’t in the same aircrash. Obvious when you think about it.
September 26th, 2007 at 5:40 pm
Sammy – that was an eminently sensible email.
So fucking boring as well.
September 26th, 2007 at 8:20 pm
Big Boris - these are called posts not e-mails. This is the internet not telly. Your Mammy is molesting you, not cuddling you.
September 27th, 2007 at 8:10 am
Cheers Tampon. From which university did you get your PhD in Pedantry?
Besides, you could call it a missive via courier pidgeon if you wanted, but it still wouldn’t make it any more interesting.
September 27th, 2007 at 8:57 am
Uh, CJ. What’s sixth form? Being American (and uninitiated) I wondered what you were exactly laughing at Tommy for. Granted he is a moron, I just wondered.
September 27th, 2007 at 10:34 am
sixth form is mostly for 16-18s who go to study for A levels. A levels are used by Universitys to determine whether your eliglble to get in.
just out of interest what do americans study towards for universitys to grade them on?
doherty sucks cock.
shit…and there was me thinking I could make a nice, boy scout like comment without throwing abuse at someone. =/
September 27th, 2007 at 11:51 am
I am a Pete fan myself and, although i love his music and i think he is a very talented and misunderstood man, i would never ever condone drugs!
seeing the trouble he has got himself into, makes it even easier for me to stay away from them!
i would hate to think that if i had a talent like he does, that people were abusing him because all they can see is “potty Pete” or a junkie waster.
I also do not think that he is making up ridiculous schemes to get himself into the bloody red tops each day! would any of you want any of this shit written about you? i dont tihnk so!
Half the stories arent even true (for example the fact he is seeing Courtney Love, she said she doesnt have a clue where that came from on last weeks Russell Brand show!)
the tabloids write what they want to write regardless of peoples feelings.
September 27th, 2007 at 12:32 pm
Thanks Mr. Haa-doou-ken. Actually over here, entrance exams into college work rather similarly. Although they come in two forms-the ACT which third year high schoolers take and the SAT which fourth years take. However different universities tend to put a larger inmportance on one or the other. The rule of thumb is that East/West Coast schools accept SAT and everything in between looks at the ACT. This is mainly because of where the companies that make the tests are based.
September 27th, 2007 at 3:36 pm
Hi Big Boris. I got my PhD in pedantry from Leeds University. Thanks for asking Big Boris.
What if I didn’t want to call it missive via courier pidgeon Big Boris? What then? What then Big Boris?
September 29th, 2007 at 3:34 pm
Well, calling it a missive via courier pigeon would be less like pidgin, eh Boris? And what happened to your most excellent pic of P-Doh having some kind of ambulatory overdose? You know, the one where his eyeballs are going in different directions? My favourite that is.
N.B. My pedantry is entirely that of a gifted amateur. Autodidact, me.
October 1st, 2007 at 12:00 pm
Ah, Leeds University. They do a fine line in pedantry up there. Well done, with particular congratulations for getting a PhD and actually putting it to good use. So many PhD students find themselves over educated and underemployed, which is clearly not the case for you despite your presence on this forum which would otherwise suggest a lack of better things to do.
Also, if you don’t want to call it a missive via courier pigeon (as spelt out for us by Gilbert Wham, the well known internet spelling nazi), then feel free to call it Betsy, or Gareth, or whatever gives you a Blackpool Tower sized hard on.
I need to take issue with Beth, who writes “i think he is a very talented and misunderstood man, i would never ever condone drugs”. Beth, you’ve got it all wrong. The drugs thing is the snake in the grass, or the black sheep in the flock, or whatever misplaced, twisted metaphor you think should be applied. I have no issue with P-Doh’s drug use. He’s a “rock star” (according to his fans). Rock stars should be utterly spanked out of their mind on a range of substances on a daily, ongoing basis.
Spend some time on YouTube searching for P-Doh clips. Amongst the muck and tripe that is his music, there are some wonderful clips of P-Doh and his bandmates being splendidly out of their skulls. The footage of them trying to hold it together when being interviewed after playing at Glasto is far an away the most entertaining 3 and a half minutes the band has ever produced. I would buy hours of this stuff. It’s world class, and a credit to the British music industry that the national broadcaster can show this to the nation with barely a soul making a complaint.
As for him being talented and misunderstood. What makes him “misunderstood”? He’s a massive caner, walking cliché rockstar. He does drugs, dates models, and strums his guitar at a band. Whilst his fans will tell you this is revolutionary, the most fleeting glance back at rock history will show it is as ground breaking as drinking beer out of a glass vessel.
Talented? He’s just released a tribute album, hasn’t he? Basically all the tracks sound like someone else, from what I’ve heard. Nothing wrong with that, but if that’s the best he can manage, shouldn’t he be plying his trade more suitably as a busker?
October 1st, 2007 at 7:29 pm
Well I likes him! =]
October 1st, 2007 at 10:42 pm
Can I call it a Big Boris, Big Boris? Can I? Can I BIg Boris?
October 2nd, 2007 at 8:37 am
Let it be so, Tampon, let it be so.
October 2nd, 2007 at 9:16 pm
No, I’ve changed my mind. I think I’ll call it an “eminently sensible email” instead.
April 18th, 2008 at 5:52 am
okay…so you rag on us for enjoying petes amazing music and style, yet, you use words like “retard” that are socially unexcusable because of the way they put down people with mental disabilaties…
FUCKING DICK! SUCK IT YOU WHORE!
April 18th, 2008 at 7:55 am
“FUCKING DICK! SUCK IT YOU WHORE!”
aha, a mute tourette’s sufferer. just write it all out sweetheart, you’ll feel better.
April 18th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
I’m a fan of autodidactic asphyxiation.
April 18th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
Pete sounds like a twat to me. He and Amy Winehouse contantly corrupt the pages of Rolling Stone. These losers somehow made money and fame as musicians, but they are still druggie losers.
April 18th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Teaching your car not to breath?