These are interesting times. The world stands on the brink of an avian flu pandemic, possibly eclipsing the potential deathtoll of SARS. Hundreds of widely-bought foods have been found to contain a cancer-causing dye. The heir to the throne of the United Kingdom and all it’s Commonwealth might have to get married in a pikey registry office. Interesting times.
But who cares about all that? The big news is this: Junkie Pete Doherty has kicked his guitarist…
Doherty, as hecklerspray is sure you know, happens to be the tabloid’s current Wild Man Of Rock. So wild, in fact, that the venerable Kirsty ‘Have It’ Walk referred to him – to his pale face – as ‘a poet’.
Yet every single day, most red top newspapers fill their pages with lurid tales of his ‘sickening’ life.
There he is, getting kicked out of rehab, again.
And getting pictured smoking heroin, again.
And proclaiming love for supermodels, again.
And getting dumped, again.
And on. And on. And on. The rabid escalator of again.
Sometime, and sometime soon, everyone will get sick of reading about Poor Pete, to the degree where they all might vomit at once and drown in other people’s puke. And nobody wants that, do they? No.
What is it about this uncooked cornish pasty of a man that makes him such a folk devil?
His music? Well, no.
Frankly, why would we want to listen to your bunch of under-produced ‘Another Girl, Another Planet’ rip-offs when we’ve got the real thing on our iPod, Pete?
Could it be the celebrity girlfriend? His relationship with Kate Moss did the impossible by giving them both even more publicity.
But despite being linked to one of the most beautiful women alive, Pete still managed to come across like the weird girl at our school who had a dirty 23 year-old boyfriend that worked down the Co-Op…"I love her, I do. We’re going to get married and everything".
And more amazingly, they managed to beat even the most cynical reporters. They gave it two months, when in fact it was over in two weeks.
Is it the drugs?
Partly. Doherty has made no secret of his struggle with crack and heroin addiction, even going to Thailand to enrol in supposedly the world’s toughest rehab clinic. And then leaving again, maybe because he’s got that classic addict’s attitude of ‘yeah, I’m in control, I’ll stop when I want to stop’.
hecklerspray knows all about this mindset, because we have a similar feeling about sausage rolls and watching Futurama DVDs. Addiction can be a right arse to deal with.
The reason for this wall-to-wall coverage, plain and simple, is that people are interested in Doherty because they’re waiting for him to die. Just like when drivers slow down when they pass a car crash, people are now rubbing their hands together, craning to see the pool of blood forming. The celebrity death pool brigade have transferred him into their clutch of marked men en masse.
Of course, the second he ODs on bad skag, he’ll be beatified and hailed as a musical visionary by every hypocritical publication going.
So do yourself a favour, Peter: prove people wrong. It really is a bunch of fun, particularly when they are ‘experts’ in journalism…
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
I was horrified to see recent red top photographs of my old partner, Mr Rodney Bewes, wrapped up in a ‘drug rug’ and apparently having fellatio performed on him by a ‘young fan’.
The thought of Mr Bewes trying to muscle in on my career yet again was just too much, and, sadly, I beat up my wife in a fit of professional jealousy.
You owe my wife an apology, Mr Docherty. You owe her a bloody apology.
J Bolam
Newcastle
It was in the early evening when I recognised his pallid stare through the windows that faces look in at. I was in dispose at the time. You understand one has the BATFAs to think about, and the press too.
Yours,
Rodders
I hate to see Pete in the newspapers so often about his drug habit. I watched the programme on channel four last night ‘stalking pete’ and was unaware that he is such a funny man.
The man that was doing the documentary on him for those who didnt watch it… was his stalker but alleged that he was just trying to get a one to one conversation with him. At one point we seen that max (the stalker) does get a couple of minutes talk with Pete although a graveyard could be seen in the background. Pete starts to say that most of his family were buried there and started to point out the graves. He started to point out his grandfathers grave and aunties then it came to his uncle. Pete without hesitation informed maw that his uncle set himself on fire and killed himself. Max says ‘yeh thats actually called’ max then said this big word i cant remember then pete turns round and says ‘no he set himself on fire’ i thouight this was hilarious (just thought you should know) can anybody tell me what this big word is?? email me at sarahruddy289@hotmail.co.uk plz xxx