It’s great that Amy Winehouse has split up with Blake Fielder-Civil – free of her violent drug-addicted convict husband, she can finally move on.

Specifically Amy Winehouse can move onto Pete Doherty – who’s a little bit violent, recovering from drug addiction and an ex-convict. Her parents must be so thrilled.

But don’t worry about a sexual union between Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty, even though any offspring they’d have would probably look quite a lot like the mangled insect/Labrador thing from The Fly 2. Instead, Pete Doherty has expressed his desire to release a duet with Amy Winehouse. Which is worse, obviously, because at least they could lock their deformed babies in an attic or something.

Listen, let’s not kid ourselves – this was always going to happen. When Amy Winehouse got married, who did she pick as a husband? A man who couldn’t look more like a pre-cake Pete Doherty if he’d starred in a grotty Saw-style version of I Want A Famous Face, that’s who.

And don’t forget that Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty share a common interest, too – amateur falconry. Oh, and taking all the drugs and being caught by newspapers taking drugs and being really hopeless at going to rehab to get off drugs. But mainly amateur falconry.

So when Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty started hanging out, it was always going to result in either sex or a duet. Sex is out for several reasons, including a) Pete probably still has a lot of Bromide knocking around in his system from his recent prison sentence, b) Amy Winehouse has probably already done it with one of Babyshambles and if you ever sleep with more than one of Babyshambles you directly open a portal to hell, and c) ugh – who’d find Pete Doherty or Amy Winehouse even remotely sexy?

So a duet it is. And Pete Doherty seems serious about it, as Now reports:

Pete Doherty has revealed that he’s working on a new track with Amy Winehouse. Amy, 24, began writing with Pete’s Babyshambles bandmate Mick Whitnall, 39, while he was behind bars. ‘Mick and Amy have a great relationship,’ Pete, 29, tells the Daily Star. ‘They have been working on material while I was in prison. When I came out I went straight to the recording studio. I just want to get music going. I have always wanted to do a single with Amy. She is just so talented.’

You know what, why stop there? Although a duet between a man who sings like a tramp crying into a dustbin and a woman who isn’t even capable of singing a James Bond theme-tune over several recording sessions sounds like just the thing to kickstart the ailing music industry back into life, what about all the other drug addict singers?

That’s why we propose that Pete Doherty and Amy Winehouse team up with other famous drug-aquainted stars like Courtney Love, George Michael, Whitney Houston, Moonboy from Keane and Kerry Katona to record a We Are The World-style charity megahit, entitled something like but not necessarily Do They Know It’s Christmas (We Don’t Because We’re Lying Face Down In A Puddle Of Our Combined Vomit And/Or Fecal Matter).

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Pete Doherty: I’m working on a duet with Amy Winehouse – Now