Pete Doherty’s Minions Rally Round To Free Their Druggie Hero
Then buzz it up
April 11th, 2008 at 11:00 by Matthew Laidlow
After years of waiting, the entire world sighed with relief. Everyone’s favourite drug-gobbling indie bod Pete Doherty finally got sent down.
Pete has been up locked in solitary confinement, but it’s only for 14 weeks. However, there are some benefits to this. The London police force will have 48 less Pete Doherty drug arrests to make and we won’t have to write any stories about him for a while.
Well that’s a bit of a lie. Pete Doherty hasn’t been released ridiculously early from prison. Yet. And we’re still writing stories on him. Not because we care about his prison plight, but purely because the Free Pete Doherty! Facebook group is up and running, and aiming to release the stupid twat. And stopping us from writing stories on important things. Like Lindsay Lohan’s career falling to bits.
Comprising of English Literature students, girls who own a pair of soiled Pete Doherty pants and people who haven’t discovered proper music yet, the Free Pete Doherty movement is gathering momentum. At the time of writing, the group has 202 members. This somewhat asks the question, do all these 202 people go out and buy multiple copies of his books and records?
If anything it’s the perfect chance for the other members of Babyshambles to actually acknowledge themselves to the world. For years, they’ve been shunned in to the background as every tabloid battles to get another Pete Doherty drugs exclusive story. For God’s sake, Brian May had to wait till Freddie Mercury died of the old AIDS before people gave a toss about him. Previously, he was just known as the bloke with stupid hair who bottled doing his degree.
The manifesto of the group is listed below. And yes, apparently it is genuine:
“Okay, he’s no angel. But does is a 14 week prison sentence really justified for a self-harming poet? I think not… Your views (good and bad) are welcome below. All comments will be passed on to The Crown Prosecution Service, Parlophone Records and any news websites that cover the story. Rally behind this group and show your support!”
1 – Yup, no angel is right. We prefer the term ’stupid obnoxious cunt.’
2 – No, 14 weeks is not justifiable. If anything, he deserves a little bit more time. Definitely not for all the times he’s been caught with every drug ever created.
3 – Self harming poet? We definitely believe there are no drugs available in prison and previous attempts at stopping to take drugs have only failed because they accidentally fell in to his arm.
Our favourite comment so far comes from someone called Gary who says:
“Fuck right off!! He’s a smelly gormless drug riddled prick who’s been laughing in the face of the law for yonks. I’ve got more talent in my left nut than he has in his whole body. Good luck in the showers Pete.”
You’re our kinda guy, Gary. We’ll keep a keyboard warm for you.
Read more:
Related and recent:
- Pete Doherty Second-Best Rock Star Ever - Official(ish)
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- Pete Doherty To Probably Really Marry Kate Moss Soon, Honest
- Pete Doherty Released From Jail 70 Days Early
- Pete Doherty’s Not Back On Heroin After All! Wheee!
- Who Stole all of Pete Doherty’s Money?
- Pete Doherty Avoids Jail… For Now
- Pete Doherty Apparently A £100 ‘Bargain’
April 11th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
it’s 273 members now. doing a search on doherty reveals some truly interesting groups, like “Peter Doherty is my favorite drug addict” or “Pete Doherty for Mayor of London!”… yes, an amy winehouse to overrun the monarchy and install herself as new queen. bring on the showers of crack heroin!
April 11th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
What the fuck do you call music you pompous twat.
April 11th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
“Pompous twat”! By gum dear Bob you’ve plonked
the piker on the blunt end. Never heard the DohBoy
so accurately described so succinctly. You get a cookie.
April 11th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Did the author of this piece do any more research into Pete Doherty beyond the facts that a) he has taken a lot of drugs, and b) a lot of guys are jealous of the fact that he got with Kate Moss (whats worse he did it with his mind and not Armani shirts & abs!) and will feel less insecure about their own lives by bashing him a bit ?
April 11th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
“he did it with his mind”
Stu, I’m fascinated. Please elaborate.
April 11th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
Stu didn’t kate and pete come together through a mutual interest in taking as much drugs as possible?
April 11th, 2008 at 6:02 pm
haha! i clicked on this story assuming there’d be doherty fans bleating on about how hes a misunderstood genius. and yet again they didnt disappoint. fucking halfwits
April 11th, 2008 at 6:31 pm
Carm - But either their numbers are dwindling, or
they are very slow readers. What will we do for fun?
It’s been delightful to be able mock the afflicted,
but in good conscience.
Not like taunting that guy on the corner with the club foot
who’s always whining about wanting a sandwich or something.
Ah well, let us not despair as another self-immolating
crap would-be poet/musician/douchebag is sure to be found soon.
April 11th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
I find it a little ironic that Pete doherty (whom only harms himself) is considered the devil yet our fondly remembered John Lennon (great song writter etc etc) the complete opposite
People are only too eager to smother the memory of the dead Beatle in well-meaning sentiment – forgetting that in life Lennon was an unpleasantly sarcastic man a wife beater and drug taker………..
April 11th, 2008 at 7:03 pm
so i guess hendrix/lennon/jagger are all ‘pompous twats’ as well thanks to the drugs? why do you bother.. just go watch your xfactor man
April 11th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
ah. slow readers then. whew!
You’d do just as well to compare Ballsack Pete to famous sports legends
or noteworthy game show hosts as to Lennon.
Pee Doggerel is closer to Sid Vicious than he is to Lennon
in terms of musical ‘genius’, copious drug-taking,
pointless self-promotion, and generally tedious presence.
You miss the point: it isn’t the drug-taking we hate and cruelly mock,
it’s the boringness of him and the whole self-destructive cliche.
Oh, and his fans’ twaddle, which is abundant and even more pointless.
You are making him a martyr to your own stupidity.
April 12th, 2008 at 11:18 am
yaay they’re back! high 5!
April 13th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
Are peoples views of Amy Winehouse the same i wonder ?
I am a fan of Dohertys music (And seen around 200 bands live) i am not however a fan of many of his off stage antics. For those who seem to have a deep hatred of him why do you feel it nessacary to surf the net looking for forums to spread your hatred ??
surely you must have something move positive to do with your lives.
April 13th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
PS:Carmela do you contribute or are you just Euclid / Dicklid ’s bitch ??
April 13th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
Dicklid? You must have spent hours on that. How sad.
Eucunt would’ve been funnier (a little) and meant something. You cunt. Get it?
You can use that. Go to the mirror and practice.
The great joy of H-spray is that it brings together
the critically debilitated under one electronic roof
so that I can get my RDA of mocking in without
having to surf anything.
And for the record, I am quite dispassionate about my abuse.
I don’t hate Ballsack Pete or his legions of over-earnest
and under-experienced aspiring crap-romantic troglodyte fans.
I am peeing on their altar because their god is ridiculous,
and all that lager’s got to go somewhere. No hate, just the call of
nature and the duty of nurture. And a healthy contempt for
their uncritical support of a tired icon - The Artist Consumed By His Demons.
Give me a fucking break.
April 13th, 2008 at 7:05 pm
Well I am dissapointed about the lack the D’Dohs support here so I am going to switch views and bleat on about his poetic genius and the ….oh fuck it I can’t be bothered….
April 14th, 2008 at 5:16 pm
Seems i may of hit a raw nerve there !! oops
Firstly all forms of god are ridiculous
Secondly urinating in public is a criminal offence so be careful.
Your right theres simply no place in this ‘peacefull world’ of ours for Pete Doherty so lets all hold hands and sing along to the Kaiser fucking chiefs Wooooooooooooooo
April 14th, 2008 at 7:17 pm
Kaiser Who? TONY ORLANDO & DAWN, Motherfuckers!!!!
All nerves are raw until steamed, boiled, baked, or
in Ballsack Pete’s case, poached.
Only a misdemeanor by the by.
There IS a place for Ballsack Pete in this world
and he’s there now. There’s another one
in a pine box, a third in some rehab facility,
and a fourth anywhere he stops being
heard from thereby ensuring that I don’t have to listen to
morons bleating on about his amazing lyrical genius™.
April 14th, 2008 at 7:56 pm
You morons who think P-Doh’s a poetic genius must ejaculate yourselves everytime Humpty Dumpty is recited to you before bedtime.
April 14th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
So whats your view on the The Libertines then ?
April 14th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
OMG THE HUMPTEY DANCE IS THE GRATEST!! WTF U SAYIN PETE DOHERETY IS SHITE COMPARED TO HUMPTY HUMP A DERRR REEERRRR DERRRR REEEH!!!!!
HUMPTY 4EVA
April 17th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
may i just express how horny that pic of him makes me? nothing like a dirty, sweaty, doped-up rock star nodding off with one eye aiming for the stars to turn me on. yowzayowzayowza
April 17th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
He looks like a junkie bobble head doll.
April 17th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Euclid……Didn’t you used to be my English Grammar teacher? Though to be fair Gir is barely getting a word in edgeways,
April 17th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
Finkystinger - “used to be”?
But, I haven’t finished…
April 18th, 2008 at 11:47 am
flierpa nicely summing up the shallow culture of today.. cos you dont wanna fuck him means he can be dismissed right? youre points irrelevant
go do something with youre life
has anyone here heard the libertines? or anything other than a couple of obvious tabloid pete singles/performances. he’s fucked up his life but theres no denying he writes some good stuff. he won a British Council poetry competition when he was a kid, and they sent him on poetry tour of Russia. anyone done that here? so slag off the drugs theyre not good for him but dont start on the music. i’m not preaching him a trouble genius i’m just saying his lyrics ain’t half bad x
April 20th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
steve
you + are = you’re
your, possessive adjective = go do something with your life.
i’ll get right on that. after i reject peter doherty’s advances.
just to prove that i am shallow of course!
May 6th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
Psst Doherty is on the loose……..