What a fucking year for Pete Davidson! I mean, I like the kid a lot, but I really didn’t see any of this shit coming!
First, the guy, who kind of looks like a cross between a young Steve Buscemi and that cartoon lizard Johnny Depp played, Rango, or something, gets engaged to the super hot Ariana Grande. Now he’s dating the fucking Goddess Queen that is Kate Beckinsale? What is going on???
After Ariana dumped Pete, I assumed he’d definitely get another cute girl, but probably not someone as hot or famous as Ariana Grande. Well, Pete Davidson went out and proved me wrong by dating someone who makes Ariana Grande look like a Jersey Shore reject.
Rumors started swirling last month that Kate Beckinsale and Pete Davidson were flirting HARD at some Golden Globes after-parties. I thought “Oh, I hope that’s true. Good for him.”
I was mostly thinking that he’d had a rough few months and having the ageless, timeless, hilarious beauty icon that is Kate Beckinsale even speak to him would make him feel better.
Flash forward a couple of weeks and here these two are, out hand in hand!
I mean, they look SUPER fucking weird together, because she’s 45 (but looks 30), and obviously a total 10, and he’s 25 (and looks 19), and is obviously a solid 5 (not ugly really, but not hot either. He just exists). Kate also has a 20-year-old daughter, so all-in-all it definitely seems like a weird mix.
That being said, Kate Beckinsale has the face of a 30-year-old, the body of an 18-year-old, and, if you follow her on Instagram, she’s actually really really funny. Pete, on the other hand, is funny and apparently has a really huge dick. Soooo, I guess maybe this could work out?
All in all, at the very least, I know longer feel remotely bad for Pete Davidson for the whole Ariana Grande thing. In the past year, he’s been mentioned in two Ariana Grande songs, and now he’s fucking Kate Beckinsale. This is a man who no longer needs our pity.
Side note: Sorry I was gone so long! I had some health stuff going on, but I’m back, baby!