The crux of this whole Perez Hilton photo kerfuffle is this: was Miley Cyrus wearing underwear or not?
It’s an important distinction. If Miley Cyrus wasn’t wearing underwear in the photo, then Perez Hilton has left himself open to a possible charge of distributing child pornography. But if Miley Cyrus was wearing underwear in the photo, then Perez Hilton is nothing more than your friendly, and perfectly legal, creepy old man who you wouldn’t want to be around for any meaningful period of time. So which is it?
Well, Perez Hilton has examined the photo very closely. Very closely. Very very closely, for ages. Really, really, very closely for much longer than you’d expect. And he’s decided that Miley Cyrus was definitely wearing knickers. And, given the chance, he says he’d definitely post the photo again.
It was certainly unusual when Perez Hilton posted that photo of Miley Cyrus’s crotch to his Twitter page this week. Not because of the dubious ethics of distributing photos of a 17-year-old girl’s potentially bare crotch. And not because, even though he’s been defending the legality of the photo, he deleted it incredibly quickly. No, what was unusual about it was that Perez Hilton didn’t have time to write ‘Fat Ho Skank’ across Miley Cyrus’s forehead in MS Paint. If you ask us, that man’s losing his touch.
Nevertheless, although Perez Hilton has been backtracking furiously to stop himself landing in any trouble – claiming that he knows for a fact that Miley Cyrus was wearing underwear – he’s still fairly unrepentant about the whole affair. That’s why he turned up on The Joy Behar Show yesterday to claim that he’d do it all again if he could. Seattle PI reports:
“I really do wish I could post that picture [on my website] because a lot of people … are getting upset over an image they didn’t see. It’s definitely not child pornography and it’s definitely not illegal. You didn’t see anything down there. I can’t help it if America has a dirty imagination.”
You know what? We agree with Perez Hilton. If he had the ability to live his life all over again, he’d be wrong to change what he did with the Miley Cyrus photo. That’s because there are so many other things he could change instead. Like his haircut, for instance, or the way he dresses, or the way that his voice sounds like air being forced out of a colostomy bag. Or, you know, everything he’s ever said, done or thought. That sort of thing.
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