We've all seen those ads for L'Oreal Paris Telescopic mascara where Penelope Cruz walks around with eyelashes so long that it looks like an evil scientist has jammed two giant squids into her eye sockets as some kind of sick joke.
And, upon seeing the L'Oreal advert, we all thought the same two things, which were 1) Penelope Cruz's eyelashes are so ridiculously long that we can't imagine anyone actually wanting to look like that anyway and 2) Surely L'Oreal Paris Telescopic mascara can't be that effective. And now it appears that it can't. The Advertising Standards Authority has attacked the L'Oreal mascara advert because it's turned out that Penelope Cruz was wearing fake eyelashes to achieve her long-lashed look. As punishment, the ASA has ordered L'Oreal to make it clear when models wear fake lashes in future, and also to change its slogan from "Because I'm worth it" to "Because I'm a massive fucking worthless liar. And Sahara was shit."
One of the most confusing things to have happened this year is the sudden witch-hunt over television shows faking stuff. Some we can understand – phone-in scandals like on Richard And Judy and Blue Peter effectively stole money from viewers which, even though they were viewers stupid enough to call rip-off phone-in quizzes, isn't really on. But it's all getting a bit out of hand now, as if people were under the impression that TV had never told a lie ever before.
For instance, what would make for more entertaining television – a real scene of the Queen politely sitting for a portrait, or a fake scene of the Queen having a massive spaz-attack and trashing everything like your Nan doing a Keith Moon impression? Obviously the fake scene. And what would be better – a fake scene of Gordon Ramsay catching some fish or a real scene of Gordon Ramsay failing to catch some fish and then bursting into tears because he's such a giant failure? OK, in this instance the real scene would have been better, but you get the point.
And now, while we await news that The Bill has been axed because someone's worked out they're not real policeman, Penelope Cruz is in the firing line for faking her advert for L'Oreal Paris Telescopic mascara. In the advert, arse-grabbing, Suri Cruise-seeing, Matthew McConaughey-dumping Penelope Cruz can be seen larking around on a terrace next to a telescope with eyelashes so preposterously huge that she actually knocks the moon out of orbit when she blinks, leading to the end of humanity as we know it. Anyway, it turns out that those eyelashes were fake, and the Advertising Standards Authority has given a bollocking to L'Oreal and Penelope Cruz for it. Reuters reports:
In a written ruling, the watchdog said the commercial "exaggerated the effect that could be achieved by using the mascara on natural lashes". It ordered L'Oreal to make it clear in future adverts if models are wearing fake lashes. The watchdog also criticised L'Oreal's claim of "60 percent longer lashes". Some people might take that to mean their lashes would actually increase in length, rather than just look longer, the ASA said. L'Oreal said it would comply with the ASA's orders.
Thank goodness that the Advertising Standards Authority has finally grown the balls to end this L'Oreal Penelope Cruz fakery. In his day and age, the last thing we need is for our advertisers to lie to us. Some things we need to hold dear, like the fact that all giant anthropomorphised elephants from Yorkshire enjoy having pleasantly fragranced homes.
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