We knew it was a good idea for Paula Abdul to leave American Idol! The big time is hers for the taking now!

And it certainly doesn’t get any bigger than VH1 Divas! True, you might not have ever heard of VH1 Divas, but that’s only because it’s so big that it’s completely invisible to the naked eye, like oxygen or God or whatever. Or because it’s embarrassingly small and nobody cares about it except the people directly involved with it, and even then it’s only because they’ve been paid. One or the other.

Anyway, Paula Abdul’s hosting that. Woo!

When you think of a diva, who automatically springs to mind? No, not Mariah Carey. And, no, not Whitney Houston either. Come on, think harder. No, not Beyonce. And not Oprah Winfrey. Come on, this is easy, you just need to think. No, not Paris Hilton or Jennifer Lopez or Naomi Campbell or Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera or Mary J Blige or Diana Ross. Look, we’ll give you a hint – her name rhymes with Maula Babdul. What? Bette Midler? That doesn’t even rhyme, you idiots.

Jesus, the answer we were looking for was obviously Paula Abdul. Paula Abdul is the person who automatically springs to mind when you think of a diva. Idiots.

Or maybe she isn’t. Because, although she fits the diva bill in that she’s a woman and she sometimes makes ludicrous monetary demands of people, Paula Abdul falls down at the part about a diva needing to do other stuff than just stagger around garbling gibberish into the sky and occasionally just bursting into tears for the hell of it.

But that’s a minor detail because, following on from her American Idol departure a few weeks ago, Paula Abdul has been signed up as the host of the forthcoming VH1 Divas benefit concert in New York. The New York Daily News reports:

She announced her latest gig, how else, via Twitter. “I’m really excited [to] announce I’ll be hosting this year’s ‘VH1 Divas!’” Abdul wrote late Monday night. “Divas” executive producer Lee Rolontz was ecstatic Tuesday when the network made the official Abdul announcement. “We are so lucky, we are thrilled!” Rolontz told The News. “It was perfect timing.”

This Rolontz chap is right – it was perfect timing for everyone involved. For Paula Abdul, the gig came up exactly at the point in time where she realised that she wasn’t going to get on Dancing With The Stars or So You Think You Can Dance or Good Morning America or one of those 30-minute informercials about orthopaedic cutlery for old people, and for VH1 Divas Paula presumably came along just as someone more famous and capable backed out of the job.

Oh, we’re just kidding. Hosting VH1 Divas will be a cakewalk for Paula Abdul. So long as, you know, it doesn’t involve moving and speaking at the same time. Or speaking at all, for that matter.

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