You probably felt a surge of conflicting emotions when Paula Abdul revealed that she was leaving American Idol.
First there was shock. Then incredulity. After all, American Idol had reportedly offered Paula Abdul $5 million a year to stay – who’d turn down a sum like that? And then came begrudging acceptance. After all, this is Paula Abdul we’re talking about – a woman whose modus operandi seems to be ‘how could I make the least possible amount of sense here?’
So maybe Paula Abdul really is stupid enough to turn down that sort of money. Or maybe it’s all a publicity stunt…
It didn’t really make a lot of sense when Paula Abdul quit American Idol this week, did it? Admittedly, coming from a woman who routinely punches herself in the face with dogs and shrieks about diarrhoea during important conference calls, it’s actually one of the most sensible things she’s ever done – but from the perspective of a normal human being, it doesn’t make a lot of sense.
Because if Paula Abdul leaves American Idol, it leaves everyone effed. It’d mean that the American Idol judging panel would be staffed by three glowering humourless nimrods – well, two glowering humourless nimrods and a babbling A.D.D-addled toddler – and it’d fling Paula Abdul back into semi-remembered obscurity.
No, really – it would. What has Paula Abdul done aside from American Idol over the last decade? Released a woeful single that she hopelessly mimed at the Super Bowl, taped a reality TV show that made her look like a cast-iron lunatic and got kicked off an underperforming movie about over-sexualised plastic fashion dolls. American Idol is literally the only thing that Paula Abdul can do, and she can’t even do that very well.
And that probably explains the number of conspiracy theories currently doing the rounds. We half-jokingly hinted at it ourselves yesterday, but some people are now seriously suggesting that Paula Abdul has in fact signed a new American Idol contract, and that this is all part of some giant ratings-grabbing bait and switch ploy whereby Simon Cowell realises two episodes into the new season that the show can’t go on without Paula Abdul, allowing her to come back in a blaze of glory.
It’s got everything – drama, a strong soapy element, a sort of happy ending, plus Simon Cowell has a history of doing this sort of thing – and maybe that’s why Ryan Seacrest and Randy Jackson are being unusually cagey about the whole affair, as E! Online reports:
On his radio show this morning, Seacrest said Abdul’s departure was real?”as far as I know.” Jackson, meanwhile told Extra, “It looks to be true [emphasis added].”
Alright, it’s not exactly Area 51 territory, but it does give us hope that maybe – just maybe – Paula Abdul will return to American Idol. We’re praying that she does. Not because we’re big fans of Paula Abdul, you understand – in fact we’re fairly sure that we’d end up punching ourselves unconscious within seconds being in her proximity – but because if this really is a ploy to win ratings and it works, it’d open American Idol up to a world of hacky fake storylines that we’d be desperate to see.
Just imagine – this year it’s ‘Has Paula left?’ but next year it could be ‘Kara’s unborn child – is Randy the father?’ or ‘Ryan gets secretly replaced by a robot trained to destroy humanity’ or ‘Simon Cowell pulls a face so smug that it causes the universe to implode’.
That last one’s not really that hacky or fake, but you get the picture.
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debbie says
i love me some PAULA ABDUL. please return back to am.idol the show is a pile of horse shit without u, don’t be a fool or too greedy. PAULA ABDUL U aready a very beautiful & wealthy woman. i miss u already. peace & soul love u PAULA ABDUL 4-EVER & ALWAYS 4 LOVE.
iwantpaulaback says
I want Paula back on American Idol. Sign the petition today at http://www.IWantPaulaBack.com
This will send an eamil to Fox Studios… and pressure them into bringing her back! Let’s make this happen!