There are many things that ‘modfather’ Paul Weller could apologise for. Influencing a whole new breed of hipsters into wearing silly retro suit jacket and T-shirt combinations for one. Or maybe for continuing his career for roughly twenty years after he stopped being good.

What he should not say sorry for, however, is insinuating that he would rather partake in the act of coprophilia than engage in a musical partnership with balls-free simpering mediocrity-man James Blunt.

Or – to put it his way – claiming that he’d "rather eat my own shit than duet with James Blunt."

hecklerspray has to say that Paul Weller’s (CDs) statement does seem a little inaccurate. Only his own shit? Quite frankly, we’d rather down a liquefied pint of someone else’s – diseased or otherwise, on the hour, every hour, until the end of eternity – than have anything to do with the wretched excuse for a human being responsible for Back To Bedlam.

And we’re pretty sure that Weller – deep down in his heart – would too. So why has he felt the need to issue an apology?

Because Weller found out that – at last week’s cack-awful Brit Awards ceremony – he was to be seated directly across from the dull-as-bricks mewling arsewipe.

A close source revealed:

“Paul was in a panic after seeing that his table was directly beside James Blunt’s. He realised he had to make some kind of gesture to make sure there was no animosity between the tables. Paul gingerly approached James at rehearsals and said he hadn’t meant what he’d said.”

We’re not sure exactly what Blunt would have done had Weller refused to apologise. Probably something wildly imaginative, unpredictable, crazy and daring. Or – given the standard of his ‘music’ – probably not.

Probably not at all.

Read More:

Weller Forced Into Blunt Apology – Gigwise

[story by C J Davies]