Paul McCartney may be the Beatle who’ll probably live the longest, but he’s also a big spoilsport – he’s apparently bashed out a private divorce settlement with Heather Mills so nobody will ever find out if he got all stabby stabby with a wineglass on her.

According to reports, Paul McCartney has nipped any hope of seeing him and Heather Mills screaming at each other in a divorce court in the bud with a £32 million private divorce deal. Tabloids are screaming that this has earnt Heather Mills around £1,000 for every hour she was married to Paul McCartney, although that’s not strictly true – that figure includes a cash settlement as well as various pieces of Paul McCartney property plus the legal right to change the songwriting credits for Yellow Submarine to Lennon/That One-Legged Bird That McCartney Might Have Stabbed. But there hasn’t been an official confirmation of this divorce settlement yet, and it wouldn’t be the first Paul McCartney/ Heather Mills settlement rumour we’ve heard so far.