By the time you read this Paul McCartney and Heather Mills might have reached a settlement on their divorce, or they might not, or Paul McCartney might have stabbed Heather Mills with a wineglass again for old time's sake.
The truth is we just don't know, because Paul McCartney and Heather Mills are determined to keep details of their divorce settlement private. That's still the case even after the eight-hour settlement thrash-out between Paul McCartney, Heather Mills and their squadrons of lawyers that took place in a Royal Courts Of Justice annexe yesterday. Word is, though, that Paul McCartney and Heather Mills failed to reach an agreement over the divorce settlement, with the stalemate coming from Heather Mills wanting $70 million and Paul McCartney only agreeing so long as Heather Mills got 'I'm a one-legged soft-porn gold-digger (plus Paul McCartney was the talented one in The Beatles)' tattooed across her head. Possibly.
It's really no surprise that Paul McCartney and Heather Mills are having such a hard time coming to a mutually-agreed divorce settlement, because they both come from from different worlds. Paul McCartney, for instance, wrote some of history's most enduring songs when he was still in his twenties and has gone on to become one of Britain's richest and best-loved entertainers, while Heather Mills smeared her baps with dairy products for German sex books and was on Pebble Mill a couple of times.
A marriage between the two of them could never work out, and that was proved when Paul McCartney and Heather Mills separated last year. And then proved even further when Paul McCartney locked Heather Mills out of a house and Heather Mills started saying that Paul McCartney used to stab her with various pieces of tableware. Really, it's been heartbreaking to watch – probably the most heartbroken we've ever been when a marriage between a clearly unpleasant monoped and a dough-faced old millionaire who looks like our Granny has ended.
Since the McCartney/ Mills divorce was announced, various figures have been mooted, from £121 million to £32 million to £10,000 a day – and yet the pair of them haven't been able to agree on a figure. And it seems that trend continued yesterday as Paul McCartney and Heather Mills had a full-day closed-door settlement session that was top secret to everyone expect for the million reporters that knew about it already. Because it's been reported that not even eight hours of being locked in a room with Heather Mills could make Paul McCartney throw up his hands in despair and shriek "Take it! Take the lot! Your dreary voice and awkward face have broken my spirit!" as The Guardian reports:
The outcome of legal wranglings between Sir Paul McCartney and estranged wife Heather Mills remained shrouded in secrecy after both sides remained tight-lipped about the closed-door session. Following a gruelling day of discussions the pair both declined to discuss whether a divorce settlement had been reached. Reports suggest that the pair are still at loggerheads but divorce lawyers believe that an agreement will eventually be reached, with some believing the former Beatle will have to shell out as much as £70m – making it the UK's largest ever divorce settlement.
It seems ridiculous that two grown adults can't reach a divorce settlement, especially since all the upheaval must be hard on their four-year-old daughter. Plus, since they split up their lives are in such different places now – Heather Mills has got her dancing and pigs, while Paul McCartney has got his vigorous head-nodding regime to keep him busy.
A settlement would definitely be in Paul McCartney's favour, because it would stop Heather Mills from bringing up the whole domestic abuse thing in court – something that Paul seems especially eager to avoid. On the other hand, you can see why Paul McCartney is so slow to give up even a fraction of his reported £825 million fortune, because when he dies he'll need every penny he can scramble together to make an Icelandic light tower that's just slightly bigger than the one John Lennon's got now. And, anyway, Heather Mills will just spend the money on penis-shaped jelly-moulds (link nsfw). Right?
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Maira_Lee says
I hate Heather Mills who is such a gold digger! Pual is my one of favorite musician. I is a pity that the nice guy married such a woman who just wanted to marry money.
Paul should give up her and forget her although it is too bad for his 4 years onld daughter. After the unhappy divorce, just take a chance at Richromances.com and
Hope it works for Paul well. Richromances.com is the really right site for old rich guys. God bless you talent musician!