Paul McCartney & Heather Mills Briefly Talk Without Any Stabbing

Someone call Childline, because Paul McCartney and Heather Mills have just robbed their daughter Bea of the greatest gift a child can ever have - the gift of playing your wealthy, almost-divorced parents off each other for gigantic material gain.

And what is it exactly that's stopped baby Bea from approaching Paul McCartney and guilting him into buying her a pony with stories about how much she loves mummy? The simple fact that Paul McCartney and Heather Mills appear to like each other enough again to enjoy a ten-minute chat at a bistro together, that's what. According to reports, the chat between Paul McCartney and Heather Mills on Friday included discussions about their impending divorce, Heather's career in America and Paul McCartney's next birthday party. What's more, there was such a lack of malice at the meeting that Paul McCartney didn't even stab Heather Mills in the arm with a wine glass, push her into a bath or angrily declare Heather's breasts to be his property. Not once.

This is a day that deserves to be celebrated; a day that's at least the equal of the time the Berlin Wall was pulled down or the end of Apartheid in South Africa - because Paul McCartney and Heather Mills are talking to each other again. We didn't think this day would come; not in our lifetime.

Although their marriage was full of the normal happy things that all couples do - like titting about in the snow with a bewildered seal - the gloves really came off when Paul McCartney and Heather Mills separated. From thereon in, the lives of Paul McCartney and Heather Mills became a frantic merry-go-round of petty lock-changing, expensive lawyer-hiring and neverending false divorce settlement claims. Heather Mills said that Paul McCartney stabbed her in the arm in a drug-fuelled rage, Paul McCartney said everything was fine, Stella McCartney started screaming that she wanted to kill Heather Mills and Rod Stewart briefly gave his opinion before starting to openly lust after the Duchess Of Cornwall instead.

But now all that is behind them. Although the Paul McCartney/ Heather Mills divorce is still rumbling through the High Court, at least the couple have got it together enough to chat face to face for the sake of their daughter Bea, as the News Of The World reports in an article filled with more lame shoehorned-in Beatles song-titles than we could ever wish to see:

Today we can reveal the pair have secretly hammered out a TRUCE in their bitter multi-million-pound battle—because they are WORRIED about the effect it's having on their three-year-old. At their ten-minute summit on Friday at a London bistro they chatted amicably while Bea played—a far cry from past scenes.

Apparently Paul McCartney and Heather Mills met to discuss their divorce (it'll be sorted out in the next 12 months and Heather gets £1 million in the meantime), Heather's career (she's not going to live in America to capitalise on her Dancing With The Stars success) and Paul McCartney's next birthday (they're all going to have a lovely party), all for the sake of their daughter Bea, who will already have enough on her plate coming to terms with the fact that she's got an unusually old father and mother who starred in a German sex book about how to whip a man with your minge out.

It must be a huge relief for both Paul McCartney and Heather Mills that this emotional upheaval is almost at an end. Now they've had a chance to talk face-to-face, they can both fully concentrate on what they're best at - Paul McCartney can go on finding new ways to distribute his classic, quintessentially British pop music and Heather Mills can point at pigs and annoy air passengers and stuff.

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We Can Work It Out - News Of The World