But now it's time for the main event – at 10am today, Paul McCartney and Heather Mills started getting divorced.
The five-day High Court Paul McCartney/ Heather Mills divorce is taking place behind closed doors so details will be scant, but we do know that Heather Mills is legally representing herself, so there's a distinct chance that her entire case is going to revolve around shrieking the word 'paedophile' in a funny voice. Or red jelly penises.
Ever since they announced their separation, the world knew that the Paul McCartney/ Heather Mills divorce would be the most spectacular divorce between an old man who looks like someone's grandmother and a porn star amputee ever. And today we'll find out how true that is.
The build up has certainly been fun. Although Paul McCartney hasn't really done much other than change a set of locks, Heather Mills has been on the warpath from the get-go. She claimed that McCartney stabbed her in the arm with a wine glass and claimed ownership on her boobs, she claimed that McCartney also used to beat up his first wife Linda and she claimed that she absolutely wasn't a gold-digger, even though she once calculated her basic living expenses at £10,000 a day.
With an overture like that, it's easy to see how the actual Paul McCartney/ Heather Mills divorce will be a let-down – but Heather Mills has a secret weapon up her sleeve to make sure this doesn't happen. At the five-day closed-court hearing at the High Court, Heather Mills has decided to be her own lawyer. And, as lawyer James Stewart told The Times, that's just fucking mental:
In a bold – some say reckless – move, Ms Mills will be acting for herself at the High Court private hearing after falling out with her lawyers Mishcon de Reya, to whom she owes an estimated £2 million in legal fees… The judge, he added, was hugely experienced, but the decision would mean extra work for him and lawyers on the other side who will have to do much of her work for her. “To be frank, it is very brave to go into a five-day hearing without the benefit of legal representatives – these final financial hearings can be very complex, even for the lawyers, and involve experts such as accountants and others if there is any dispute over the value of assets.”
Needless to say, if Heather Mills arses up her arguments in the next few days, it could cost her tens of millions of pounds. And, more than that, it could also damage her reputa… oh, who are we kidding, that disappeared long ago.
However, you can't deny that Heather Mills' decision to face the might of a multimillionaire's legal machine in a divorce court is an incredibly plucky thing to do, and we hope that Heather Mills makes all the money she wants from it. Because, honestly, if the alternative is more naked photoshoots for German sex manuals to make ends meet, we'd let her have all our money too.