Patrick Swayze Punches Cancer In The Arse
Then buzz it up
July 22nd, 2008 at 13:00 by Stuart Heritage
The more eagle-eyed among you will have noticed that Patrick Swayze isn’t as dead as he’s supposed to be.
Four months ago Patrick Swayze was diagnosed with a particularly vicious bout of pancreatic cancer that we were told would kill him within weeks. Now, though, Patrick Swayze has surprised everyone by looking remarkably healthy - so what gives?
According to Patrick Swayze himself, his apparent recovery is a ‘miracle’. Miracle schmiracle, we say - it’s obvious that Patrick Swayze is doing so well because of a) impressive advances in oncology and b) Patrick Swayze’s realisation that royalties from sales of Ghost DVDs have rocketed since he got cancer and if he hangs around long enough he’ll be able to afford a speedboat.
You’ll have noticed that we haven’t paid too much attention to Patrick Swayze since he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer back in March. That’s partly because we were respecting Partick’s request for privacy during his treatment, and partly because Miley Cyrus got her pants out and that was obviously way more important.
But since then two major things have happened to Patrick Swayze. Firstly, given that Swayze apparently only had five weeks to live when he was diagnosed, he had to watch while people like Whoopi Goldberg give tributes to him like he was already dead, which much be a pretty weird thing to experience. And secondly?
Secondly Patrick Swayze got better.
The five-week mark came and went and, rather than dying, Patrick Swayze gradually started to look healthier. Last month doctors told Swayze he was well enough to return to work and now he’s made his first statement about his incredible recovery. The Telegraph reports:
Asked about his health, a grinning Swayze, 55, gave a thumbs up and replied: “I’m a miracle, dude, I don’t know why.” … In addition to hospital treatment, the star is sticking to a healthy eating regime in a bid to keep the cancer at bay.
It’s genuinely great news to hear that Patrick Swayze is winning his fight against cancer, and hopefully his health will continue to improve.
A few more months of incremental recovery and maybe Patrick Swayze will even stop being known as a brave cancer survivor and go back to being the bloke who was kind of crappy in Steel Dawn. But for that to happen we all have to believe.
Related and recent:
- Patrick Swayze Really Not A Fan Of The Whole Cancer Thing
- Reports: Patrick Swayze Has Five Weeks To Live
- Cancer-stricken Patrick Swayze to make TV comeback
- Patrick Swayze Cancer Reports Depressingly Accurate
- Patrick Swayze Probably Not Going To Star In Point Break 2
- Whoopi Goldberg Thanks Patrick Swayze For Oscar Win
- Patrick Swayze Not Scared Of His Cancer
- Christina Applegate Makes Cancer Look Like a Boob
July 22nd, 2008 at 2:01 pm
best headline ever maybe
July 22nd, 2008 at 2:27 pm
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July 22nd, 2008 at 3:06 pm
……OR the truth is that the Lord God Almighty gave Mr. Swayze a second chance in life…ANYONE who survives cancer in any way…shape..or form is truly a miracle…it would be nice if you could be a little more “sensitive” to cancer patients…..but i guess that would be too much to “expect” from your column. Maybe a little “faith” might be the “medicine” your depressed “let’s be negative and hateful” mind and body needs to keep yourself from jumping off the top of a building. Why don’t you do something “positive” for once in your miserable life…like a family acutally having a picnic in the park…playing kickball…or throwing the frisbee…and their kids are not on the computer looking at “inappropriate” websites as in “your” website. Let’s face it….if it wasn’t for the computers or the HDTV….you wouldn’t have a job…because any viable magazine or newspaper deemed acceptable among spiritually good families and their children wouldn’t give you the “bad-breath spit” from their mouths full of wisdom and knowledge….which you seem to lack…OH! i’m sorry…Playboy might give you a job….and maybe the anti-christ who is currently looking for someone like “YOU!” Would you like the website where you can send him your resume? The world if full of TRASH like you and people of good taste are getting very tired of it!! Mr. Swayze…please PLEASE! do NOT pay any attention to this stupid article…Just as Jesus said to the Roman Centurion when he healed a sick family member….”it was your FAITH that made you whole!” Buwah!!!!!
July 22nd, 2008 at 3:39 pm
So what about the people that die from cancer? God hates them, or what?
July 22nd, 2008 at 3:42 pm
And actually, yes, I would like the website where I can contact the anti-christ.
July 22nd, 2008 at 5:28 pm
Gir, I think that website you’re looking for is: ttp://www.whitehouse.gov/president/
July 22nd, 2008 at 5:38 pm
Oh, gir, you must mean Obama’s website?
July 22nd, 2008 at 5:50 pm
>> “the Lord God Almighty gave Mr. Swayze a second chance”
Which God would that be? Sorry, but there are SO many gods, and they all have different rules. I lose track.
July 22nd, 2008 at 6:32 pm
CLEVER POLITICAL HUMO(U)R
July 22nd, 2008 at 7:00 pm
Steel Dawn???? Rofl we’re supposed to take seriously an article by a entertainment reporter who can’t get the title right of one of the greatest movies of a generation?
July 22nd, 2008 at 7:18 pm
I could leave a well thought out, articulate counter post to Suze and her insane, rambling garbage…
But instead…
Hey Suze… DIAF, huh?
July 22nd, 2008 at 7:25 pm
hahahaha look at nate the idiot hahahahah
July 22nd, 2008 at 8:47 pm
It was nice to read a positive news blerp intead of that we are all going to hell in a hand basket
July 22nd, 2008 at 11:28 pm
What is it with nutters and ellipses? I had a boss whose…every email…was dotted (for want of a better word)with the bloody things. Eminently dislikeable woman.
May I have the Antichrist’s email address also?
July 22nd, 2008 at 11:59 pm
Grow up, guys! How does somebody who is 56 years old and looks 70 any kind of poster child for cancer remission?! What is the point of these reality-denying, thoughtless responses to real tragedy?!
This only diminishes the pain and suffering that cancer patients and their families and friends are going through. They need REAL help-empathy, funding for hospice, community support, counseling, (religious and/or secular) and ACKNOWLEDGEMENT of the real situation–not fairy-tale
nonsense.
As we know, these attitudes help no one-nether the caregivers nor the patient. Think, people.
July 23rd, 2008 at 2:20 am
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July 23rd, 2008 at 9:25 am
i think suze is the antichrist
July 23rd, 2008 at 3:03 pm
“They need REAL help-empathy, funding for hospice, community support, counseling, (religious and/or secular) and ACKNOWLEDGEMENT of the real situation–not fairy-tale
nonsense.”
Well if they can’t be magically cured of cancer, then God hates them, and who wants somebody hated by God around anyway? QED.
July 25th, 2008 at 6:48 am
What if all the cancer mumbo jumbo was just a clever commercial trick, suddenly everybody was talking about Swayze and that’s it, now the Ghost is popular again and so on.
August 3rd, 2008 at 9:37 pm
we can only take it or leave it, believe it or not…
as a surgeon i can only witness the simple truth:
pancreas cancers are not treated so easily…unless taken care of at the very onset…if paddy’s doc said: five weeks, the guy has a bought diploma and his practice should be immediately suspended…or (hm) there is something we don’t know guys…
lulu the surgeon
August 4th, 2008 at 11:26 am
I have known two guys in their fifties who were in remission from pancreatic cancer. They were both reasonable sort of characters but I doubt if either of them qualified for halos.
November 21st, 2008 at 4:15 am
suze first of all, its not that bad. Its not as insensitive as your making it out to be. Also another thing, if your so religous then why do you judge others. I don’t go to church often but I have been enough to know that God pretty much said leave the judging to him. By you judging others your already condeming yourself to hell. Another it is better to try and make appropriate humor out of these situations. Would you rather them joke and have a good attitude about them, or be down and depressed. Please next time you have a thought, let it go!