Sometimes TV show titles can be misleading.
When hecklerspray first heard of The Simple Life, for instance, we envisaged a fly on the wall documentary chronicling the exploits of a bunch of Adam Sandler fans, all sat in a cinema, clapping their hands with delight and whooping about how ‘the silly man pulled funny faces and then fell over and did a poo’.
But no. The Simple Life – as regular trash TV experts will inform you – was a show that featured squillionaire ‘socialite’ Paris Hilton wandering around, trying to pull off even the most menial of everyday tasks and failing miserably, thereby proving that there is definitely – definitely – no real reason for her to be alive.
Ironically the title of the show was in no way related to mental deficiency. Unlike the upcoming ITV project Vernon Kay’s All-Stupid Pleb-Happy Goo-Goo Spakfest.
Anyway – enough of this banter. The real reason we’ve summoned you here is to impart the following information: that young Paris Hilton and her similarly pointless sister Nicky are soon to feature in their very own cartoon series.
Apparently:
"The American siblings have spoken to Interscope boss Ted Fields, who will make the series and hope to air it on US television."
Now, hecklerspray is more than aware that children ‘these days’ seem relatively easy to entertain. Just look at Pokemon, for Christ’s sake – a show that became a phenomenon simply by featuring a crazy-haired kid who speaks out of sync, carries around a dancing yellow Chernoybl-offshoot in a magic ball, and occasionally has a bit of a fight during which some wavy lines appear in the background to convey some LSD-tinged impression of ‘movement.’
It’s a far cry from the multi-layered plot strands of innovative masterworks like Superted, that’s for sure.
But a Hiltons cartoon? What possible excitement could be gleaned from that?
This week – Paris Hilton (DVDs) goes shopping and buys a special shiny golden thing that serves no purpose whatsoever. Will she be able to smuggle it home before jealous sister Nicky sees it, decides she wants one of her own, then draws some money out of her infinite bank account and buys one, therefore creating absolutely no tension whatsoever?
Next week – Paris Hilton is crossing the street when a rampaging juggernaut ploughs into her, sending her whining body spinning like a helicopter in a cyclone, before ending up in a bone-crunched mass resembling nothing less than a mutilated car-boot-sale Barbie doll once ‘reconstructed’ by a ‘difficult’ child.
Actually … that last one isn’t really a Hiltons episode synopsis. It’s just something that hecklerspray sees regularly on a particular favourite channel of ours. You know the one – it plays in our heads at about three in the morning. In the dark. In the alley round the back of the local Kwik-Save.
We know what you’re thinking. God only knows what other celebrities are going to be given their own ill-advised animated series. Well – because we love you all so very, very much – hecklerspray has taken a look into our big crystal ball and extracted some future examples of the very same breed.
Want to see what they are? Oh, go on, then…
– Charlotte Church’s Wetherspoons Adventures
– Pete Doherty And The Quest For Talent
– Queen Of Hearts: Diana The Friendly Ghost
– Wayne Rooney’s All-Action Ball-Kicking Super-Excitement Inability-To-Read Half Hour
– The Crazy Vegan World Of Moby
– Space Commander James Blunt And The Armies Of Tediousness
Better start saving for those DVD boxsets, kids.
Read More:
Hiltons To Make Animated Show – Yahoo!
[story by C J Davies]
fred says
What? You mean Paris ISN’T a cartoon? You could have fooled me.
Chris says
Yeah, actually I could easily imagine her having a cartoon.