It's a well-kept secret that Paris Hilton is a deeply secretive woman, and even though you can't switch on TV, open a magazine, read a website or listen to the radio without at least one of your senses being offended by Paris, some things are private to her.
No, we're just kidding – nothing is private to Paris Hilton. When Paris Hilton embarrassingly messes up things that most six-year-olds don't have trouble doing, she does it on The Simple Life. When Paris Hilton wonders about the eyesight of giant intergalactic balls of fire, she writes a song about it. And most crucially, when Paris Hilton has it off, she does it on the internet for all the curious perverts of the world to see. But enough is enough – Paris Hilton is suing a new website that charges visitors to see an array of her personal items including photos, videos and medical records in the hope that the lawsuit will stop people from seeing her naked, even though most men have seen Paris Hilton's bare tumpsy more often than they've seen their own reflection.
Although Paris Hilton has gone out of her way recently to try and be famous for something else – for drink-driving, for being a failed popstar, for piddling in a taxi – she'll never be able to escape the fact that first and foremost Paris Hilton is famous for having sex on the internet. In fact, when Paris Hilton is travelling and the validity of her passport photo is questioned, she'll often show her breasts and vagina to the immigration people because – although not everybody knows her face – the whole world has seen her tits and minge.
So surely Paris Hilton trying to sue a website for charging close to $40 to see a collection of her naked photos, naked videos, naked diaries, naked medical records and naked legal documents seems like a case of bolting the stable door after the horse has filmed itself having sex and put it on the internet, right? Not so, says Paris Hilton herself. Disgusted that an unpaid $208 storage bill resulted in an auction that -in turn – resulted in a website where everyone can rifle through her personal belongings like pensioners at a jumble sale made entire out of Paris Hilton's hoo-hahs, Paris is out to sue the website to kingdom come, as CBS reports:
In her lawsuit, Hilton said she put her possessions in storage two years ago when she and her sister, Nicky, moved out of a house that had been burglarized. The 25-year-old heiress said a moving company was supposed to pay the storage fees and was "shocked and surprised" to learn her belongings were sold at a public auction. "I was appalled to learn that people are exploiting my and my sisters' private personal belongings for commercial gain," Hilton said in a declaration supporting the lawsuit, adding she was concerned the information could be used for identity theft or harassment.
To be fair to Paris Hilton, she does have a point – the contents of the website could easily be used for identity theft instead of the compulsive masturbation for which it was clearly designed. Just to prove Paris right, hecklerspray recently printed off a photo of Paris Hilton's breasts from the website in question, strapped it to our head as a rudimentary facemask, walked to our local corner shop and asked if we could have a Kit-Kat for free because we were Paris Hilton. Before we ran off we heard the owner call the police, presumably worried that Paris Hilton was out without any bodyguards.
If Paris Hilton needs us to repeat this obviously false anecdote in court to help her case, we'd be happy to.
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Kippertron says
Hilton should sue websites that show her fully-clothed, as they’re all giving the wrong impression of her
john says
This chick is unbelievable. I just read elsewhere where she is trying to shut down / sue a website for attempting to sell some of her crap. I don’t know how the hell they got any of it, but she’s “mad”.
This from a girl who makes more videos than 20th century fox. Do a search on any of the big video dump sites (http://www.dailymotion.com, http://www.freepornvideos69.com, http://www.livevideo.com, etc) and you’ll see tons of her greatest work.
She’s unbelievable.
heaventsent says
i love paris!!!