As she’s proved time and time again on The Simple Life, Paris Hilton is useless at every single thing she puts her hand to – like, say, driving a car from a party to a burger bar without being completely schnockered on all kinds of booze first.

But that’s not how Paris Hilton sees it, though. Yesterday Paris Hilton’s drink driving case came up in court and the Hilton lawyers were present to issue a not guilty plea for her; claiming that Paris Hilton wasn’t drunk, just empty-bellied enough for the one margarita that was sloshing about her system to show up more than usual. Police, however, maintain that when Paris Hilton was stopped she was slurring her speech, not making any sense and unable to follow even the most basic of commands. Oh come on, you must know where we’re going with this one…