The reality show The Simple Life really doesn't float on much. It follows a couple of rich girls around while they amusingly adopt children, only to throw said children back into the population once they've grown a taste for human flesh.
Well, we're not sure about that actually. We've never seen the show, but we have seen over three commercials for it, making us far greater programme-experts than most other people. And our expertise tells us this show should take advantage of Paris Hilton's current predicament, if they do, season six could be the best reality show ever.
Because Paris Hilton is going to jail for 45 days. That's right – the judge showed no preferential treatment and ordered the teary-eyed star to all that confinement. With any ounce of luck, episode one will show her sloppily embroidering a cursive 'P. H.' onto her orange jumpsuit while explaining to her cell-mate that 45 days isn't quite long enough for her to turn jail-gay.
Paris Hilton is going to jail – hey, we told you it might happen. She's gonna be locked up 23 hours a day in a little tiny cell with a roommate who probably got busted for something-or-other on a mediocre episode of Cops. She has to report to the Century Regional Detention Facility on June 5th, and then her fun will really begin. Los Angeles County sheriff's slave puts it all in laymen's terms:
"She's going to be assigned a two-person cell, and most likely have another inmate in the cell with her."
Paris Hilton will be allowed out of the cell one hour a day to shower, stretch and talk to hecklerspray, who will be there for her everyday begging her to get state-funded corrective eye surgery. If she's gonna be in there anyway… you all see what we're getting at?
She's slammer-bound for getting caught driving twice on a suspended license – an offence she somehow blames on her recently-sacked manager. If this is the same guy who told her House Of Wax would look good on a resume, perhaps the canning was justified. The manager actually accepted part of the blame, too. He says he sent her an email:
"…offering my sincerest apology for any misunderstanding she received from me regarding the terms of her probation. I am deeply and profoundly sorry. I told her that I assume personal responsibility for my part in this matter. I believe when stated in court that she believed it was OK for her to drive under certain circumstances she was being absolutely truthful. Due to this misunderstanding, I am no longer representing Paris. Paris is a wonderful person and does not deserve the punishment that was handed down by the court."
As for how Hilton will fare all locked-up – she'll probably be alright. We already know she's quite good at possibly punching people, she's great at self-imposed abstinence, and she can pee in pretty much anything. Once she grasps the concept of a cigarette-based economy, the rest of jail will just fall into place.