It’s a scary time to be alive. Every where you look there are people dying, mothers crying, politicians lying and girlfriends prying.

We are told that global warming is going to drown us, or that international terrorism is going to blow us up, or that Paris Hilton is going to have a baby – It’s all too much. The human body hasn’t evolved the capacity to deal with such misery, and so it seems that mass suicide is the only reasonable option.

But wait! Put down your nooses, brothers and sisters! Kick off those high heels, rip off those fish-nets and spit that orange to the floor, because it would appear that Paris Hilton aint pregnant after all!