We've seen the Chained Heat movies, so we know that all-female prisons are full of non-stop lesbian orgies – we also know that police stations are no better thanks to Busty Cops 2 – so a girl as beautiful as Paris Hilton wouldn't stand a chance in there.
That's more or less what Paris Hilton is trying to claim, anyway. Terrified that her 45-day prison sentence for violating her drink-driving probation will plunge her into a world of daily beatings, violent shower-room cunnilingus and a total absence of anything that's even vaguely hot, Paris Hilton has started up a petition to keep her out of jail, on the basis that she "provides beauty and excitement" to everyone's lives. And there we were thinking that Paris Hilton only provides us with bad music, bad films, bad TV shows and the occasional homemade porno film. And wonky eye jokes, which are kind of exciting, we'll admit.
When Michelle Rodriguez was thrown in jail last year, she described her experience by saying:
"I'm a gypsy. I can see beauty in a jail cell."
But that's because Michelle Rodriguez went to jail for a total of four hours. After violating probation stemming from her drink-driving arrest, though, Paris Hilton has been sentenced to 45 days in jail – that's 270 times longer than Michelle Rodriguez, meaning that Paris Hilton will get to experience 270 times more gypsy-inspired beauty than the dead mannish girl from Lost. Also, Paris Hilton will get to eat 270 times more bad prison slop and 270 times more carefully planned razorblade/ toothbrush shiv attacks in the middle of the night.
So, understandably, Paris Hilton isn't especially thrilled about going to jail, especially since it means using a grotty toilet to urinate into instead of her usual taxi of choice. And that's why Paris Hilton is doing all she can to get out of jail before she even goes in it. How? Expensive legal advice from a team of the world's most expensive lawyers? Displaying genuine remorse for her crime in order to show the appeals court that she's learnt her lesson? A half-baked MySpace petition? Yeah, that last one. And this is what it says:
"Paris Whitney Hilton is an American celebrity and socialite. She is an heiress to a share of the Hilton Hotel fortune, as well as to the real estate fortune of her father Richard Hilton. She provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives… We, the American public who support Paris, are shocked, dismayed and appalled by how Paris has been the person to be used as an example that Drunk Driving is wrong… This petition is to ask Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to pardon Paris Hilton for her mistake. Please allow her to her return to her career and life."
And it seems as if all kinds of people do want "her to her return to her career and life," whatever that means. The Paris Hilton jail petition has so far received over 10,000 signatures which, although impressive, probably won't stop Paris Hilton from going to the big house – because if it did then you can guarantee Phil Spector would be on MySpace trying the exact same thing faster than you can buy a lesbian wig.
But all of this worry is completely unnecessary, because – rather than being too beautiful and exciting for jail – we get the impression that Paris Hilton is going to fit into prison life perfectly. She already knows how to fight both rough-looking blondes and weedy gingers, plus her fellow inmates will have to respect Hilton's previous criminal record.
It was called Stars Are Blind. That was her criminal record.
We know. Sorry.
Buy your FREE PARIS / DON'T FREE PARIS T-shirts here!
Read more:
My Public Need Me, Says Paris Hilton – The Times
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She’ll end up okay she’ll end up in the nicest jail in the state. You aren’t really free in this country unless you have money. You can get thrown in jail and have to stay there for 45 days easily on trumped up charges.
She is not innocent!!! How can she say she is innocent when she was caught driving with a suspended license and under the influence? Who’s fault is that? I think is time for her to accept her responsabilities and stop acting like she is about it all. This jail sentence will do her good, it will bring some humbleness to her stupid little life.
Money is not all in life paris.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY PRISON YOU LITTLE BITCH!!!!!!!!
I agree with claudia, she must get the sentence when she did the crime. driving with a suspended license indeed is offensive.
If paris hilton is your role model TAYLOR REYNOLDS you got issues!!! If your role model is a person that has made a career out of being a SLUT, recording bad albums, making porn videos and showing them to the world (yes, I said showing because that story that she had no idea how that video became public nobody is buying it, how come some of that money was later traced back to her? That girl is a hypocrit and a liar!!!) If that is your role model I think you should check yourself. She is nothing more than a dirty little skanky spoiled whore!!!!!!
*takes out a cigarette, lights it, takes a drag* ………….*exhales smoke* …mmmm that was good Paris… *takes drag*……….*exhales smoke*…. you were pretty good i must say, I’ll call you sometime… but i gotta go…. (Paris:) “but i don’t even know your name!” (me:) my name? its America, yea thats it, America *takes drag* ….*exhales smoke* … *puts out cigarette, gets up and walks out* (Paris:) *watches in shock naked on bed* “but i love you”….. *door slams*
and that is how the judicial system works
Paris Needs to go to jail. Maybe she will get lucky and get a clue. Hello?! Its time to grow up. What a waste of a life. She could have been so much more.. so much money, so much potential, and instead she is a complete retard that takes up TV time and inc in our tabloids. I am sure her parents are so proud of their retarted daughter.
Wait till some Dike gets a hold of her in jail and spreads her out on the bunk with her panties pulled down around her ankles Wooo eeee
Send the bitch down. She is a danger to the human gene pool. Any more vacuous or pointless and she’d be a dustbuster. Please, up her jail term to 45 years and remove the danger of her polluting future generations with her offspring.
Paris Hilton is a racist piece of garbage and should rot in jail for existing. If it was any other normal person they would have been sent away. Just because she is some trashy celeb she gets off easy. Send her to jail and let the inmates have their way. WHORE!
She is really beautiful and deserves better than that. How can people be so ugly to such a beautiful girl. Men need to take care of her. She needs more protection.
What she need is to realize that she’s wasting her life with drugs and alcohol.
She is beautiful and deserves a beautiful cell.
Actually the jail is very, very nice…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nulxy0pbzBQ
iI THINK PARIS HILTON SHOULD SOOOOOOOO GO 2 JAIL CUZ THAT BITCH NEEDS PUNISHMENT!!! SOME OR MMMOOOSSSTTT PEOPLE SAY BLONDES R REALLY STUPID!!! LOOK @ PARIS!! SHE SHOULD EVEN TAKE CLASSES!!! PARIS CANT HAVE THIINGS HR WAY AAALLLLLL THE TIME!!!!SO YEAH……………………………………………………………….LOCK HER UP 4 A VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY LONG ASS MUTHA FUCKEN TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Paris should not go to jail. She is very beautiful and needs special treatment. Give her a break! Make her accomodations at the jail as pleasant as possible.
Paris is a rich spoiled snob it is not her fault that she is born so rich
but she needs to be taught a lesson that she cannot get away with
doing anything and that she is not above the law…you must respect
the law…I admit that sometimes it is hard to stay focused when you
get out there like she is…
get a life all of you. put yourself in her shoes, you’d be feeling and doing the same things she is. Hello! dont point the finger at her when you are no better. im sure some of the people writting these rude comments have made mistakes just as bad. If you were in the least bit famous, you would be in the same spot light.
heyy paris girll ..
rr girl wats happendd!! hope u dnt get sent away just soo wudnt suite ur image!! maybe linsey will join u neva no!!
45 days is so much parting missed all these ppl r jelous of u coz ur a shopper holic got wa they havent got maybee girll …
well hope it all goes well !!! enyway jelous is a diese so get well soon bitchess pitty them all paris
Paris needs us men to take care of her. She is a wonderful role model. Give her the best cell that you can find
Ah! So dumb…. Paris should just stay in jail!! Here’s her lawyer talking about how great she is…. let’s not forget he’s paid to say that!!
http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid712135930/bclid686944137/bctid979216030
and at the MTV movie awards the hilarious Sarah Silverman rips the girl to pieces, ok it is quite mean, atleast be a girl and say it behind her back!!!
http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid712135930/bclid686944137/bctid978960014
omg…the twit is out of jail….she makes me sick and so does the “system”. they said she had medical problems…what she couldnt put on her 300 dollar prada shoes and drive to all the parties and then drive home …drunk?? did it make her nuts?? well send her trifling ass to a mental hospial because sending her to her own house is no punishment at all!
Send the bitch to jail. Throw away the key! Her release is an outrage.
And throw the sheriff or whoever released in also.
OMG!! what a dickhead her phsycologist is! I think he needs some phsycology himeself!! If I did that I’D GO TO JAIL!!, just because she’s a rich spoilt brat dosen’t mean she dosen’t get to do the time!! I’M FRIGGIN OUTRAGED!! surely someone in government should do something about this. I’d find it funny if arnie did because people were tunrning to him to keep her out of jail, so it would be ironic if he was to send her back
SIGN THIS PETITION TO PUT PARIS BACK IN THE SLAMMER!!! I may be a 15 year old boy, who’se not famous, but if you can send this link around to all of your friends we can get Paris back in jail. http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/Paris_is_a_spoiled_brat/
Turn paris into a crabburger. Don’t cry Paris. Jail aint that bad
Who let the dog out? Is she out or in? I’m sooo confused. Maybe the Sheriff slept with her
I’m glad she’s in she should’nt be above the law. AND SHES REALLY HELPING HER CASE BYSYING OUR LIVES ARE MUNDANE. What an excellent point of law-she gives our lives excitement- and thats why murderers shouldn’t go to jail. They ‘excite us.’ She is just a rich girl- did she make any benefit to human mankind? Oh yeh, how could I forget. Entertain us with a porn video. How silly of me of forget *Rolls eyes* 45 DAYS IS NOTHIN’
What a worthless piece of shit this young girl is!! Never graduated from High School? GED?
Does nothing for society; essentially parties 24hrs a day 7 days a week. The ? What Life. That shows try’s
to make fun of the less fortunate in our society. The very, very Stupid!!! American public buys it??
Why give the dimwit any airtime whatsoever. That’s what the other fat retard is for: ROSIE!! Another useless
piece of uneducated shit flowing thru the American media.
We are all responsible for making this piece of useless shit famous, or infamous. It’s a sad day when a Bald-headed stooge of a sheriff takes it upon himself to release without consulting the DA (Prosecutor)
Nice judicial system in LA? It’s no wonder that city is a cauldron of racist morons and imbeciles.
Finally, a note to the public on her appearance: No tits, No Ass, A very, very marginal face at best with the
pounds of makeup she uses. (ala 70′s outdated style) Essentially, a fucking warpig of a 26yrold trying to make
herself look glamerous. Probably would look better with less makeup and some time at a fucking gym.
All in all a truly useless piece of shit!!
I think the sheriff has been bribe…. investigation should be carried out on this.
My baby shouldn’t be in jail !!! She has done so much for the society and she is an inspiration to teen girls around the world. All parents of the world should be proud to have a daughter like mine !!
She’s achieved so much in her young age….. err…. like making home made porno fucking random bloke, start drinking underage, succesful career as a socialites (btw.. socialites is a job right?), take care of herself (no need for taxi or pals to drive her home eventhough she’s wasted doing booze and dope) and etc.
How could you peasants, low lifes mortals says bad things of my baby !!!
Jail is only for people like you !!!
You people should be ashamed for envying our riches.
Richs people like us should not go to jails because we pay more taxes than you do !!! We are the Hiltons you know !!!!!
TMZ.com is reporting that Paris Hilton has not eaten, slept, been crying a lot and is acting withdrawn since arriving at the medical ward of a Los Angeles jail.Wow! That’s what my 5 year old does when I send her to her room.
I do have a question about all this Hilton business. If Nicole Ritchie ends up going into the slam, could we end up with parparazzi photos of Hilton and Ritchie going over the wall?
NEWS FLASH
The Twin Towers professional staff has positively diagnosed Paris Hilton’s condition.
Miss Hilton has been confirmed to be suffering from an advanced case of HUTAS (Head Up The Ass Syndrome). Hilton exhibits the advanced symptoms related to a patient with their head clearly up their ass. It is known that if HUTAS isn’t diagnosed and treated in its early stages, the condition suffocates the brain and leads to irreversible systemic damage. Symptoms are characterized by a lack of intelligence, muffled hysteria and blind arrogance which enlarges the head making it more difficult to cure the disease.
Treatment for HUTAS includes applying repeated and sufficient force to each side of the buttocks with one’s foot. Having the patient walking or running while their buttocks is booted builds psychological remedy for the patient and satisfaction for the treatment specialist. Most professionals agree that in Miss Hilton’s case, several hundred treatment sessions will be required to obtain full remission. Due to the expected long and arduous recovery period, it is recommended that the public at large be recruited to administer treatments.
DO NOT SEND PARIS 2 JAIL!!She does not deserve this!I f u do send her to jai, make it like the jail in the “Sweet Escape” video by Gwen Stefani.That would be like sooooo cool!And don’t make her wear the dumb orange or whatever color jumpsuit!EWWWW!!!!DO NOT SEND P HILTON 2 JAIL!!!PLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i think she should go to jail: she deserves it and i wish i were a female soi can go to the jail and cunnilingus her. or i can transexualize for the bitch.
I’ll trade in princess Fiona for Paris Hilton. Paris is blonde from head to toe and I like that. She is way too beautiful for jail. Set her free!!!
i agree, check out this pic if you disagree!!
http://parishilton.snagapic.com tell Paris what you think while you’re there
Ok lets get this strait she was cought drunk driving (think about all the people that have been killed by drunk drivers…..),
then she was cought driving 3 times with a suspended licens. Yea she deserves it. The dumb blond act isn’t going to save you everytime.
:’( I miss my mommy
NOT
I use her picture for a jerk off sometimes – shes hot enough like. Shes a stupid bitch but she is cute – a blondie. I do have a thing for her. I dont want her in jail. I dont think shes a great person but my penis moves on its own when I see her – Im 54 – I know Im too old for her.
I have visited your site 916-times
Forget Jail. What she needs is several hours of root canal work with no anesthesia!!!
i think paris hilton should not go to jail.she is my idol an
i think paris hilton should not go to jail.she is too pretty to go to thee jail she is my idol and does not deserve to go there . she was just havimg fun on her birthday !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
we all know that we all want to have fun
i KNOWparis hilton does not deserve this cruelty
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