Paris Hilton Is Still Trying Not to Suck At Making Music

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paris-hiltonRemember way back when Paris Hilton was still relevant? Well, we must have all somehow been transported back to 2006, because she’s started dropping hints about her new album.

Lil Wayne’s mentor Birdman announced on Twitter that he’s signed the heiress to his label, Cash Money Records, which is also home to Drake, Nicki Minaj, Tyga and Busta Rhymes. Have fun imagining a conversation between Paris Hilton and Nicki Minaj, for a second. There’s a pretty good chance it would end in Nicki rugby-tackling Paris to the ground and taking her hair extensions as a trophy.

Paris has been dropping hints for a while now that her second album will be all about house music compared to whatever it was you’d call her first album. She told MTV News:

“I’m very musically talented. This is more my thing, more of a club scene, more dance.”

Who knows where she got that idea from, seeing as her DJ set at the Sao Paulo Pop Music Festival was unanimously panned by anybody with ears, who was unlucky enough to be within a two mile radius.

Paris Hilton Waving Brazilian Flag

According to those in the audience, some of whom are still suffering from night terrors and random cold sweats, all Paris did was sit around in bedazzled headphones looking gormless, and occasionally waving a Brazilian flag. Guys, she can’t help that, that’s just her natural expression.

Obviously not put off by the fact that there is literally not one person wishing for Paris to fill the gap in their iTunes, Paris has also reportedly enlisted the help of ex-boyfriend, Dutch DJ AfroJack to produce this obvious masterpiece-in-the-making. This is despite the fact that he rather spectacularly called her DJ ‘career’ a “face palm moment for dance music”.

That phrase is also true if you remove the phrase ‘for dance music.’

Maybe it would be best for everybody if Paris stuck to her tried-and-tested work ethic of sticking to what she knows. Nothing.

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