Paris Hilton Doesn’t Want To See Her New Best Friend
Then buzz it up
April 6th, 2008 at 21:00 by Paul Sorrenti
Everyone’s favourite spoilt slag, Paris Hilton, is refusing to meet the candidates who are competing to become her BFF (best friend forever).
Instead the candidates will first have to pass an interview with two of the casting directors of MTV reality show ‘Paris Hilton’s My New BFF’.
According to the Metro, the premise of the show is this: ‘hot bitches’ and ‘fabulously fierce guys’ – or ‘girls’ and ‘gay fellas’ as they were once known – battle it out to become Paris Hilton’s new best friend forever.
Forever!
What level of mind would consider that a worthy cause to fight for? And worse - what level of mind would watch such a show?
Oh! Of course - it would be a mind akin to that which is interested in the home-life of a flimsy-yellow-t-shirt-tearing-OAP, we suppose, and there seems to be a truly depressing amount of them. Does anyone remember when MTV had shows like Beavis and Butthead? What the fuck happened?
Perhaps Paris herself has had similar doubts about the contestant's mental states, which is why she is point-blank refusing to meet the maniacs. It all depends on whether you consider her capable of such foresight.
It’s also further proof behind her theory that her independence is growing as each day passes. Not so long ago, if she’d have wanted a new BFF, she’d have just asked daddy for one. But now, because of the frenzied attention we’ve all been giving her and the money and fame she’s managed to extract from it, she is able to get a television company to bend over backwards and find her a friend instead! Oh, what a life she has!
The other route for Paris to take on her quest to find a BFF would be the path us normal folk are most used to, that of ‘trying, over a number of years - perhaps a lifetime - to be a good, nice, friendly person to someone else’. But we don’t understand what it’s like to have such power and, until we do, our suggestions are without experience or worth.
Hecklerspray does hope that it all works out, and hopes the experience will be rich and life fulfilling for all involved.
Remember to get your minge out, contestants - she loves all that - and don't forget to leave any respect you had for your daddy at home - cos' it be time to impress Paris Hilton!
Yee-haw!
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April 7th, 2008 at 2:49 am
I smell like B.O. and I’m doing The Ed Lover Dance™ in my seat.
April 7th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Paris needs to look no farther than reality TV’s own backyard to find a new BFF from these fine upstanding human beings:
1) Flavor Flav with his stupid-ass horn hat and giganotosaurus clock-necklace
2) Bret Michaels and his fetish for skanky-looking, just crawled out from under the trailer park, emotionally confused sluts
3) Tila Tequila, the absolute queen of giving others the wet-burps and any STD of their choice
Of course, if BFF stands for Butt Fucking Faggot, then Lance Bass might be Paris’ best choice.