Happy New Year! I’m back after a brief holiday hiatus (plus I blogged logged 40 million times in December), and boy has this year started off right! My first story isn’t even going to be about one of the Kardashians, but rather one of the reasons they’re even famous: Paris Hilton!
Paris got engaged to her boyfriend Chris Zylka over the New Years weekend, which would typically mean absolutely nothing to me because who gives a fuck about Paris Hilton anymore, right? However, everything about her goddamn engagement has me cackling like a man woman, so here I am blogging.
First, Paris posted their Aspen “engagement” video on her Instagram. The video features him on one knee on the slopes and her saying YES. The video is a prime example of why Paris Hilton has been nominated for Razzie awards and never became the great defining actress of her generation: homegirl can’t act.
Episodes of Keeping Up With the Kardashians have seemed less staged than this engagement video. It’s genuinely hilarious.
Second, Chris Zylka is an actor who has notably starred in all three “My Super Psycho Sweet 16” movies. Seriously, the only thing I actually recognize this guy from is the couple of episodes of Hannah Montana he guest-starred on.
Not that that’s a diss to him, but check out this ring he proposed with:
It is reportedly work $2 million, which is funny since Zylka’s net worth isn’t even $1 million. Also funny enough, as of today when you Google Chris Zylka the first thing that comes up is “Chris Zylka Net Worth.” I guess everyone is thinking the same thing I am: Paris 100% bought her own engagement ring and planned her own proposal, which she got a friend to record on her phone so she could put it on Instagram.
The KarJenners might have more plastic in them, but Paris Hilton is hands down the fake bitch to end all fake bitches.