When you're as famous as Pamela Anderson it must be difficult to meet trustworthy men – word has it that the only place Pamela Anderson ever looks for boyfriends these days is at the annual Notorious Filthy Internet Sex Tape Star convention.
Some women like to be wooed with flowers, other women with moonlit strolls along a beachfront serenaded by an angelic cicada chorus, but not Pamela Anderson. This is because Pamela Anderson only likes to be wooed by the sight of her paramour frenziedly boffing all sorts of other women on the internet. After marriages to leading sex tape stars Tommy Lee and Kid Rock, it's been announced that Pamela Anderson has applied for a marriage license so she can get hitched to Rick Salomon, the man in the Paris Hilton internet sex tape. Boys, you know what this means? Start masturbating on your webcam now and there's a chance you could be the next Mr Pamela Anderson when her marriage to Rick Salomon invariably fails before Christmas.
If ever you thought that this year's MTV VMAs would be hard to beat, what with Britney messing things up and all, we've got a perfectly good reason to start getting excited about next year's show. Where this year's MTV VMAs featured a slightly confusing Battle Of Pamela Anderson's Ex-Husbands, where Tommy Lee and Kid Rock faced off for a high-profile schoolboy squabble that nobody other than Tommy Lee, Kid Rock and possibly Pamela Anderson cared about, there's every chance that next year we'll see a three-way triple-threat tussle between Tommy Lee, Kid Rock and Rick Salomon, because it looks very much like Pamela Anderson is going to become Mrs Rick Salomon before too long.
Although the name Rick Salomon might be unfamiliar to you, there's a very good chance you've seen his penis going in and out of Paris Hilton's mouth on the internet at some point, because Rick Salomon is the man behind the One Night In Paris internet sex tape. And now he's also the man that Pamela Anderson is going to marry next, presumably because she was impressed by his co-executive producing skills on the Outkast-based golfing comedy film Who's Your Caddy? People reports:
Could a third marriage be in the works for Pamela Anderson? The former Baywatch star and Rick Salomon have applied for – and were granted – a marriage license in Las Vegas, according to Access Hollywood. "I was told late Saturday night that they filed for a marriage license," a source tells PEOPLE, adding that Anderson – who has been performing with magician Hans Klok at the Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino – and Salomon, 38, have been inseparable lately. "Rick is always with her. He's backstage when she does her show all the time."
Although Rick Salomon would become Pamela Anderson's third husband if the marriage goes ahead – the first two were notorious sex tape star Tommy Lee and less notorious sex tape star Kid Rock, who divorced Pamela Anderson because he didn't like Borat very much – but it wouldn't be Pamela Anderson's third marriage, thanks to her ungodly obsession with marrying Kid Rock a million times last year. Dates and venues for the Pamela Anderson/ Rick Salomon wedding haven't been announced yet, but we expect that Rick Salomon is currently beside himself with joy at the prospect of his future life of fighting animal cruelty and doing magic and getting to film himself having sex with Pamela Anderson, leaking it onto the internet, acting all outraged that it happened and then making himself richer than his wildest dreams by taking a fat wedge of the royalties.
But, given that Pamela Anderson's marriage to Kid Rock seemed to just be a way for Pamela Anderson to promote her online casino, we can't rule out that the forthcoming Pamela Anderson/ Rick Salomon wedding is just a sex tape-heavy ruse designed to gee up promotion for her forthcoming role in the Denise Richards comedy Blonde & Blonder. And if it is, we're sorry to say that it falls a little flat. But then again, most stunts do compared to Denise Richards hurling a laptop at a wheelchair-bound pensioner. Must try harder, Pamela.
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Dr.Dennis Teel says
Pamela Anderson is a retard..literally!