We’re having quite the internal struggle. Not the kind of lactose intolerant internal struggle we just now experienced after eating a carton of Cherry Garcia with a chocolate milk chaser, but an equally arduous internal struggle. We can’t decide who we love more, Pamela Anderson or David Hasselhoff.
On one hand you have Pamela Lee Rock Anderson, one of pop culture’s earliest and most successful examples of surgically-enhanced blonde bombshells becoming ridiculously famous without a smidge of respectable talent. On the other hand you have David “The (self-proclaimed) Hoff” Hasselhoff, a man who befriended a talking car and brought us the majesty that is an ageing man running on the beach while desperately holding in his gut. Actually, we’ve struggled with this quagmire for years, but the breaking news story about Pamela Anderson really challenging herself career-wise by enjoying a stint as a showgirl in Las Vegas and The Hoff’s supportive thunder-stealing comments makes the battle for our love all the more acute.
In the midst of keeping up with the status of Pamela’s breast augmentation-reduction-augmentation-reduction antics, it appears that she has taken up sidekick duties with magician Hans Klok (nope, we’ve got no clue who he is either). Pammy’s participation includes allowing herself to be levitated and assists in making flowers disappear and money reappear. Or was that the other way around? Regardless, the whole levitation thing must be real magic because heaven only knows where the strings would attach to her sparkly thong get-up.
Speaking of racy stage outfits, The Hoff expressed his probably unsolicited thoughts on the affair with the following classy sentiment:
"How could things go wrong when you see Pamela Anderson in a thong?"
Hasselhoff continued his statement to let us all know how freaking fantastic he is – as if we didn’t already know:
“I feel like maybe I'm a little bit responsible for her success in the beginning and maybe she's a little bit responsible for my success. We're dear friends.”
Oh, look at us, getting all judgemental and snide when all they are really trying to do is make the world a better place! We’d apologise, but then we’d be trying to make the world a better place, and we just can’t have any of that.
Let’s just all hope and pray that Pamela and David remake David’s Hooked On A Feeling video as a duet. Now that would really be a magical thing.
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Mithaearon says
Hecklerspray please help me, I find Pam babes strangely attractive, what’s wrong with me?