Paging Captain Obvious: Maria Bello Comes Out as Bisexual

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Since the vast majority of the kids I used to babysit turned out to be gay, I consider myself to have pretty phenomenal “gaydar”, which is why when Maria Bello wrote a pretty heartfelt essay in The New York Times about the fact she was in a long term relationship with a woman, I wasn’t even remotely shocked.

Maria Bello looks like a sexy badass lesbian (or in her case, a bisexual) who is probably a homicide detective or top lawyer who lays down the law hardcore in the day and lays down her lady hardcore in the evening, and I dig that. Once again, I’m stuck talking about something kind of serious, so I can’t make a ton of crude jokes, but in all honesty, Maria Bello’s essay was pretty cool.

Bello’s essay, titled “Coming Out As A Modern Family” tells us about how her relationship with one of her best female friends became romantic, and how she eventually told her 12-year-old son and parents. Bello writes of coming out to her son:

This was the moment I had been anticipating and dreading for months. I took a deep breath, knowing that my answer, and his response, would have an impact on our lives for a very long time. I was with someone romantically and I hadn’t told him. I had become involved with a woman who was my best friend, and, as it happens, a person who is like a godmother to my son.

Bello’s son and parents were supportive of her relationship with her BFF, Clare, and in reality they were probably pretty relieved. A few months ago, I was getting drunk with my best friend, Melissa, and her parents, and her mom asked me if I was sure that we weren’t gay and pointed out that it was too bad that we just weren’t a couple. Weirdly, this is not the first time a drunk person has told me that Melissa and I should just be a gay couple if we weren’t secretly already, but I digress.

Bello then goes on to talk about how she was always depressed because her relationships with both the dick and the vag always ended up going south (pun intended), but then she realized while reading her old diaries that true love was right in front of her. I kind of feel like Maria Bello might have made that part up, because if you’re feeling depressed, you don’t read through your old diaries to get perspective and happiness. You read through your old diaries to give you more of a reason to kill yourself! I promise you, you will never hate yourself more than you will after reading your teenage or early-20′s diary. FACT.


Bello also added this pic of her happy modern family: her, her ex/baby daddy, her new piece, and her son. Apparently everyone gets along really well and respects and loves each other, which is more than I can say for the majority of most “traditional” families. I have a somewhat traditional fam, and I don’t think we’ve taken a happy picture together since 1997 when my mom made us do those Sears portraits wearing all denim and holding roses. Since then, all our family portraits have kind of looked like this:


I’m not even joking, so clearly Maria Bello’s family is doing something right.

So, for all you jerks out there who say that being gay is wrong and gay and bi parents shouldn’t be allowed to raise children, I want you to compare those two pictures and think about which one looks like a more healthy and happy family. If you choose the one with the topless guy, you’ve got more issues than I can deal with right now.


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