Search Results for: michael jackson

Johnny Depp And Other White Men Favourites To Play Michael Jackson In Biopic (Features Amazing Eddie Murphy Video)

November 17th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Finding a man to play Michael Jackson in a biopic is no easy task. Listen, LaToya Jackson is surely not in the picture, despite being MJ’s reanimated corpse. Think about it. You need someone who vaguely looks like the former King of Pop.

Naturally, what with Michael going from handsome black man to Roswell white man, there’s not many people who are up to the task, unless someone creates some ET/human/chameleon hybrid.

However, seeing as a Michael Jackson biopic is in the pipeline, there’s actors being touted to guzzle Propofol like UHT milk. And oddly, most of them are white.

Michael Jackson’s Deathbed, No Longer For Sale, Spoiling All Your Masturbatory Needs

November 16th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Deathbed for sale. What a peculiar notion. That said, it has a lovely ring to it. It almost sounds like an Agatha Christie thriller. Either way, Michael Jackson’s deathbed was up for auction so that his mental fans could buy it and have sex with themselves in it.

That’s because they’re hugely lonely and there’s no room for another face in the mirror because Mad Jackson fans are too enveloped by the aura of Jackson himself.

Anyway, the deathbed has been pulled from auction because some bright spark realised that it might be a little distasteful selling a giant bed filled with celebrity corpse goo. Shame. We hoped a mad-scientist would buy it and try cloning an army of Michael Jacksons.

Ethereal Michael Jackson/Freddie Mercury Duet Gets The Post-Conrad Murray Trial Nod

November 14th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

If you were asked to sum up the Jackson family, how would you do it? Some people might call them the greatest collection of siblings who ever entered a recording studio. Others might comment on how inferior Janet and LaToya were compared to Tito, Jermaine and Randy.

Most people would say that the entire family were complete fruit loops.

However, we?d like to comment on how the Jackson family manage to pick the worst possible time for any new release. A brand new greatest hits album from Michael followed weeks after heart went all funny and of course, there was the tribute concert that was accidentally scheduled at the same time as the Dr. Conrad Murray trial. Some would say this was done for financial gain.

Even Michael Jackson’s Ghost Can’t Catch A Break When It Comes To Employing People (MJ Tribute Goes Bust!)

November 14th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Remember Michael Jackson’s amazing tribute event in Cardiff where people bought overpriced tickets to watch Alien Ant Farm, 3T, JLS and LaToya Jackson (aka Michael’s animated corpse) prance around on MJ’s grave?

Of course, most of the Jackson family thought the tribute was in terrible taste, what with it taking place in the middle of Conrad Murray’s trial.

The whole thing was beset with controversy, even to the point where absolutely insane Michael Jackson fans boycotted the whole thing, calling it a scam. Well, maybe those lunatics were onto something because Global Events – the people who put the show on – have now gone into administration leaving everyone who worked on the show unpaid for their work. HURRAY FOR MICHAEL JACKSON’S LEGACY!

Michael Jackson Verdict: MJ Still Weird And Dead While Conrad Murray Is Guilty!

November 7th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Justice! Justice, justice, justice! That weird institution where some people make their minds up on an event based on arguments proffered by professional liars.

Seriously. Lawyers will argue anything for the right price.

And of course, the lawyers have been going hammer tongues about who to blame for the death of Michael Jackson and they’ve convinced a jury to decide that Dr Conrad Murray is GUILTY! Now we can all start making some proper money on Jackson’s death! HURRAY!

David Gest Makes Michael Jackson Film (Will Anyone Mention Plastic Surgery?)

November 3rd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Ever looked at David Gest and wondered if he keeps his face in position with a large bulldog clip like Kent Brockman from The Simpsons? If so, when he takes it off, does his head look like a hot scrotum?

Either way, Gest seems like a decent enough bloke for someone who has been ravaged by the entertainment industry and mental enough to marry Liza Minnelli while she was in her Aged Alcoholic role (according to Gest himself at least).

And now that the reality TV shows have dried up, Gest thought it would be a good idea to make a film about Michael Jackson, a man who shared the same plastic surgeon with David… which explains why they both look so very, very odd.

Michael Jackson Is The Kookiest, Spookiest Hallowe’en Celebrity

October 26th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

At the moment, ?Sexy? Dr. Conrad Murray is facing an uphill struggle in an American court as he and his team of lawyers attempt to prove he didn't give Michael Jackson enough painkillers to take down a herd of elephants.?The trial is barely getting started and we're beginning to tire of boring experts telling us whether it was possible for Jackson to top himself.

Until surprise witnesses like the Cadburys Caramel Bunny are brought in for a testimony, we're not really bothered about what's happening.

However, in non-Michael Jackson criminal news, a ghoulish evening related to the king of pop is happening soon. That's right, Hallowe’en is fast approaching. How about replicating Jackson?s famous ghostly pale appearance? Or going that extra mile and recreating his legendary wonky nose? You might think we're taking a cheap shot at the Thriller video; but we're not. He came up trumps according to search engine statistics.

Michael Jackson Jokes Banned On Janet Jackson?s Tour, Freedom Of Speech In Turmoil

October 18th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

Towards the end of his dog-eared career, Michael Jackson began to resemble an eerie looking clown who’s wax face was tarnishing in a mild midday heat. See, we can say that because that's our opinion. But if you go to a concert by not-so-important Jackson sibling Janet, that right will be taken from you.

Due to popular media such as Twitter and Facebook, a group of Pete Doherty poetry loving twerps can use the power of the internet to raise their voice and stick it to the man. Yer! Peace for all and freedom for those in Tibet ? all planned over a sweatshop produced laptop whilst sipping on a Grande Latte with cinnamon swirls, lemon shots and organic camel milk.

But if you dare comment on Michael Jackson having a wonky nose at a Janet Jackson gig you may face the wrath of Joe Jackson who?ll chase you with his famous beating belt. Or as he called it, the ?dancing encourager.? But why would Janet Jackson stop us from voicing our opinion? Surely it has nothing to do with the ongoing trial of ?Sexy? Dr. Conrad Murray? Oh.

Michael Jackson Fans Now Thoroughly Bored Of Conrad Murray Trial

October 17th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

The trial of Michael Jackson’s personal physician – ‘Sexy’ Dr Conrad Murray – will enter a new phase this week: The thoroughly tedious, no-one cares anymore phase. There are rumours which suggest that even Jackson’s own family are beyond caring.

The doctor’s attorneys trying to counter three weeks of testimony, attempting to show that Jacko caused his own death.

Sadly, fans of the former King of Pop and relations are utterly bored by the whole thing and are now wishing they’d never shown any interest in the first place.

Michael Jackson: “A Bit Of An Alien”

October 13th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Michael Jackson looked funny. It doesn’t matter if you love his music or happen to be a blinkered, crazed fan – there’s no hiding from the fact that his face was downright odd. So odd, it could curdle water.

Ever seen anyone else with a nose like his? No. La Toya Jackson does not count as she looks a bit Roswell too.

Speaking of which, Rashida Jones – the daughter of music producer Quincy Jones – has revealed that she thinks that Michael Jackson was a ”bit of an alien” to most people.

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