Q Awards Roundup: Yoko Hates Paul, Liam Says “Plantpot”

by Stuart Heritage

The Q Awards took place yesterday in London, and they managed to be as predictably controversial as ever. Not because of the winners – although we choked on our grilled chabichou when we found out that KT Tunstall managed to win anything – but because of all the tedious rock showboating that went on. Grabbing [...]

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Lee Ryan: Blue made me vomit

by Chris Laverty

The dumbest sack of shit in pop, Lee Ryan is in no hurry to reunite with his former Blue bandmates. Yeah, he says that now, but when Channel Five come knocking for Celebrity Cattle Birth it might well be a different story. Ryan says of the talent-bypassed boy band: "I don’t miss working with them. [...]

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Bono Defends Own Self-Righteousness

by C J Davies

Hands up those of you who were cynical about Live 8. Come on. Put ‘em up. Hands up anyone who thought it was all less to do with Making Poverty History and more a coke-powered shitstorm of piss-ignorant sloganeering and abysmally shameful self-promotion? Anyone? You at the back? Make yourself known. Because Bono is very [...]

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SLACKERJACK – Sims Superstar DJ

by 586 MEDIA

The Sims has always confused us a little if we’re honest. It’s a game about people with ordinary lives. And that’s it. Frankly, we have enough trouble making food or going to the toilet in real life, let alone getting a videogame character to do the same. And imagine if you had to stop Metal [...]

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Ian Curtis Apparently Not Dead

by C J Davies

They (being ‘us’) always say that the Americans are a couple of steps behind when it comes to musical innovations. Witness their Blink 182-sponsored bastardisation of punk. Or their feverish love for happy hardcore about ten years after you slapped one of your mates for buying all those ‘Bonkers’ compilation CDs. Who knows? Maybe in [...]

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Strictly Come Dancing Betting Odds – Who’ll Win?

by Stuart Heritage

***LATEST STRICTLY COME DANCING BETTING ODDS! CLICK HERE*** There is nothing – nothing – in the world more spirit-crushing than ballroom dancing. There is literally not one single thing that makes it any good. The music is rubbish, the clothes are stupid and the ridiculous fixed smiles that the dancers all have to wear make [...]

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Madonna Narks The Kabbalah Rabbis

by Stuart Heritage

Kabbalah hasn’t been kind to those close to Madonna lately. First, Guy Ritchie made Revolver – a Kabbalah-inspired cockney gangster film so laughably bad that it makes Swept Away look like Paths Of Glory. And now Madonna herself annoyed a bunch of Rabbis for singing a funky Kabbalah song on her new album. Kabbalah hasn’t [...]

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Newsblam: Britney, Keira, Booze, Zero Dollar Homepage

by 586 MEDIA

…Britney wants to give Sean Preston a normal childhood. But she also wants Mattel to make a bunch of little tiny Sean Preston action figures, presumably to help pay for his hefty therapy fees in the year 2020 – Britney Spears’ Doll Family – Femalefirst… …Joaquin Phoenix copied Johnny Cash so much for his new [...]

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Jude And Sienna: Now Everyone’s Boffing Everyone Else

by Stuart Heritage

It’s been a few weeks of brilliant split stories. Renee and Kenny, Paris and Paris, Nick and Jessica, Robbie Williams and cohesive thought… everyone’s at it. Now it seems like, after weeks and weeks of speculation, Jude and Sienna are joining in the fun. They’ve split for good, apparently because neither of them could stop [...]

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Michael Jackson Gets Mobbed And Freaks Out London

by Stuart Heritage

Put yourself in the shoes of Michael Jackson. You’ve recently been acquitted of child molestation charges and – although the integrity of your reputation is still in doubt – you’re slowly trying to make the world forget all those horrible allegations made against you. Then, on your first trip to London since your child abuse [...]

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